This morning Debra and I talked, as we do nearly everyday, and she aked me if I noticed a difference in the atmosphere, like the tension and darkness had dissipated. I knew what she meant.
Leading up to this election, I have been in my prayer place early each morning, often spending 30 minutes or more praying for the election alone. I did not know how I would respond with these results. I responded differently than I expected. I thought I might grieve, crawl back in bed, at least cry uncontrollably for a bit. Instead, I looked at the results, thanked the Lord that He is maturing His army, and asked, "Now what?"
It seems rather simplistic, I suppose, and as I have received a myriad of emials from this well-known leader and that one, I realize they only use several paragraphs to say what I said in a few sentences--Well, that wasn't what I wanted, but I trust my God to handle it anyway. Now, I just need to listen to His voice and follow.
My job has not changed. My focus has not changed. My enemy had not changed. But most importantly, my God has not changed. And in that alone is my peace.
As is obvious from my post Gratitude 4, I am walking through a fire I never expected and have tried desperately to prevent for a long time. It was my own naivete' that said I could fix the problems that have brought me to this place. I could not even fix the symptoms little less affect the issues. In fact, if I am truly honest, I quite possibly made things worse in an effort to avoid the fall out that had to come.
And, no, I can't go into detail, and, yes, I am aware the people's minds roam and imaginations happen. I can't help that unless I choose to hide, and honestly, I'm tired of hiding. I don't see the benefit in it. It does not fix my problems, and it offers no glory to God. Rather the glory goes to God when we are honest about our desperation and need and others see Him meet us right where we are.
Where I am is a painful place with a lot of questions. And yet, I am in peace.
Why? Because God meets me where I am, and in Him is peace.
Peace is not a state of denial but a state of Truth.
It is the truth that God loves me and is with me. The truth is the desert is a place of purpose, not abandonment. The truth is He is not surprised and has been working to bring the ick to the surface so He can address it with the only touch that will make a difference--His own. The truth is...things that look overwhelming and crazy somehow come out making perfectly good sense when He is finished. The truth is I wouldn't have chosen this path because it looks so stinking hard, but He chose it because it is the easiest and most merciful.
The truth is God is God, and even when the waves loom high and big, He speaks peace.