Yesterday Mom spent several hours sitting on my deck hunched over with tears slipping down her face. The facts of life...and death...seeping into her reality.
I stood at the window and watched, not knowing how to give comfort, afraid of my own tears.
What could I possibly say? "Mom, it's okay." No, it's not. Cancer is so far from okay. "Mom, it'll be alright." The headaches that remind her of the bomb ticking in her head never stop. How can that ever be alright?
But how could sitting alone in one's pain alright? And how can keeping a distance from someone hurting because of fear of one's own pain ever be okay?
A hard blink and a quick swipe of the hand. A shaky deep breath. "Oh, God, help me be what she needs right now. Help me be the love you have for her."
Her head lifted when I opened the door, and her red eyes followed me as I moved the other chair close to her and sat down.
"I love you, Mom."
She nodded, blinked, and leaned back in the chair. A deep breath.
"I love you, too, Sis."
"I don't know what to do, but I'm here."
She didn't look at me, only nodded.
"Here is good."
I leaned back in my chair, too.
Silence wrapped around us, held us tight...held us close. There was nothing to say, only somewhere to be.
Here is good.
2 comments:
Praying for your Mom, you, and your family.
Love and very gentle hugs,
Lisa
Hi Jerri,
My name is Joy. I came across your blog after reading your No Weapon entry in 2007. I wondered how someone who writes so eloquently would stop writing and so I searched and discovered your current blogs. Your writing has inspired me through your openness, honesty, integrity and vulnerability. I thank God for your life. I don't know how things have evolved in your life, I pray that things are well with your soul. I just wanted to reach out from one human being to another. I also wanted to forward this scripture onto you. I pray that your peace has been restored.
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;
9Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
10Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.
11For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.
12So then death worketh in us, but life in you.
13We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak;
14Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.
15For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.
16For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
17For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
18While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Yours in Christ,God bless you
Joy
I pray that in time you will continue your writings x
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