And the next thing I knew I was the target of significant enemy fire. I won't go into all the details, but it was so personal and so clearly a targeted offensive that a song I had just told someone earlier today still rips at my heart came on while I was sitting at dinner with my children. I haven't heard the song on the radio in MONTHS, maybe since before Christmas, and today, I mention the flood of memories and hurt it creates, and BAM! There it is on the radio in a public place where I can't change the channel, and the other hits were just as personal, just as deep, and just as hard.
I stood in front of God and said, "I just told these people not to quit, and I want to. If I had a place to turn in my resignation letter, I would. I'm tired. This has been one helluva a long hard ride. I'm going to bed."
And I did.
Two hours later, I woke up, and to tell you the truth, I feel battered and sore. Physically I even ache.
"Okay, God, talk to me. I'm not a quitter, and I refuse to just keep taking hits, so give me something. How do I stand in the midst of this assault?"
As I was praying, I received an email asking about my daughter's doctor's appointment.
"Doozy of a headcold, bronchitis closing up her chest. Breathing treatments, nasal spray steroid, antihistamine, decongestant, ibuprofen, water, steam showers, and the usual. As for Friday's audition--"
I stopped. Another missile hit. One audition since my mom died in October, and she has to be sick for this one? Really?
I went back into the message and typed in, "Thankfully, the earache is pressure not infection."
1009. We are able to see a doctor when we need to.
1010. We have clean water for her to drink.
1011. I know God is bigger than this.
1012. God hears my pleas and never says I am stupid for not seeing the obvious answer...of giving thanks.
1013. Medical readily available to us.
1014. Long sleeps that are much needed.
1015. Geometry help. (Dear God, when I have to repent for hatred, does that include hatred for geometry? If so, I may really have a problem.)
1016. Finding SIX (not four!) years of pictures.
1017. Help with electronics when I get overwhelmed.
1018. Anna's funky hair color.
1019. Other people who have trigger music, too, and understand how one can go from fine to an emotional heap in just four notes of the wrong song
1020. A way groovy foreman on the crew working on our road
1021. That my truck did not just sit stuck in the mud this morning but by God's grace slid to the "solid" spot and could get traction to go out the other way (deep spiritual truth in that, Lord)
1022. A place to retaliate, to stand against the assault, to refuse to quit
1023. For emails from MaryB that are exact words from God. I read the email and thought, "Wonder if God pipes." He answered, every time Mary does, I'm right with her either playing along or just listening tapping my toe. It's good stuff." Yes, it is.
1024. The precious folks who ask, "How did it go?" because they have been waiting and really want to know. I love you more than I have words to say.
1025. FOR EVERYONE WHO DID NOT QUIT TODAY
Indeed, God in heaven...thankfully....