When You Don't Know What to Say, Just Say...

One thing I have heard over and over in the last month is, "I don't know what to say." I totally understand. I want to share a few things people have said that really helped me.

"I have never felt more helpless or useless as a friend than I do right now."--My friend John when I called to tell him Rob was gone and I didn't understand the last eight months at all.

"I am here."--a simple text on my phone the morning Rob died. I laid it on my pillow so I could try to rest and not feel so alone.

"I can be on a plane tonight. I want to be sure you are okay."--Kevin when he offered to take time off from the Army and fly from El Paso to be with us during the funeral and the few days following.

"Reason I'm trying to locate you geographically is 'cause...I was going to see if they had a non-stupid person who might check in on my behalf."--Kenneth, a pastor after God's own heart.

"sits on the ground next to you. *sighs* picks up a rock and throws it away aimlessly"--sometimes there are no words, only presence, even if it is half-of-Texas away

"Don't you think Joy and I would have been there already if the Teleporter was working?"--Yes, Kenneth, you would be.

"Ugh! (Sorry--that doesn't sound very pastoral or spiritual)."--No, but it sounded like you understood, and I needed that more than anything.

"Silver in forms...Gold Medalist in sparring..."--Two texts that allowed me to feel like I was part of a regular life. It was nice to be Jerri and not just somebody dealing with tragedy.

"Jerri, it's really okay."--It wasn't just Greg's words. It was his tone, the look in his eyes when he said it, and the subordinate truth that I was okay.

"Yes, I can."--Raeetta when asked if she could stay with the children and me the week of the funeral.

"I'll take care of..."--the list was huge, but Chris did take care of all of that, the children, and me. When he said he would take care of something, I never gave it a second thought. It would be done, and it was.

 "Okay, here are three boy toys to start...And if you want to rob the cradle, I mean be a cougar..."--Debra had me laughing out loud! And it felt good. :-)

" :-) Smile"--Bilal, just checking in.

"Just checking in on you. Love you, Dan."--Love you, too.

From Sharilyn--A picture of a car with a grill line that looked like a big smile. In my mind, I could see the tongue lolling out. I rolled

"Understandable: watch out for toxic rain."--Pam's response when she asked how I was, and I said the train hit was rough, and the big crater made by the 747 when it crashed into me was hard to climb out of, but the mushroom cloud pretty much said it all. So nice to be understood. :-)

"When do you want us?"--Debra, who knows life and grief comes in waves.

"We are with you."--Stacey, when lunch after the funeral felt like Everrest.

"I've got you, and I'm not letting go."--Stuart, when he held my hand and led me to his truck after the funeral.