My friend Michele sent me a sweet message last night asking my forgiveness for her silence. Except, she hasn't been silent. She just hasn't been talking to us. Instead, she's been talking for us, and that is exactly what we needed.
I just read your blog post and wanted to say...
Over and over again, I think of the different ways you have lifted me up - and I have no idea how to do the same for you. I have prayed for you, Anna, & Robert and I'm sorry that is all I have done. Truly. You are precious - to God, to me, and to so many others. You remain in my prayers and please forgive my silence.
A multitude of thanks for the prayers. Prayers for us are EVERYTHING.
Truly. I am not just saying that to make you feel better. God's faithfulness, despite my screaming pain and rage, is obvious. I know He is answering others' prayers because I do not even know what to pray now.
Do not be sorry that is "all I have done". Change your sentence around and hear the power in it. "All I have done is pray." When all you're doing is praying, all you're doing is walking into the throne room on behalf of my children and me and saying, "Lord, God Almighty, Ruler of the entire universe who holds every second, every breath, every answer in Your hand, let me ask of You for my in desperate need friend Jerri and her children."
Oh, my friend, stand in the throne room for us! Stand there! Cry out for us! Seek Him for us! Ask of Him for us!
Michele, I have no words. I somehow wander into the throne room, fall to my knees, stare at Him, and simply lift my hands in empty questions. I do not know what to ask. I have simply sat in His presence and hurt and sobbed.
Speak for us. Put words where I have none. You are doing exactly what we need. Thank you for your faithful intercession. Thank you.
"...and I have no idea how to do the same for you." Oh, my friend, simply saying that does wonders for my soul. Simply saying, "Jerri, I can't imagine the pain and have no idea how to get near it, but I'm with you," is balm.
"...Forgive my silence." Michele, what is there to say? Really? That you are stunned? Shocked? Yep. Me too. That God lvoes me? Believe me, if He didn't, He would have squished me like a bug already. That He has great plans for me? A whole email in and of itself. That...what? This sucks and you can't believe how much has happened in 9 months? Yes, it does, and I can't either.
I'm learning that sometimes silence isn't abandonment or rejection or ambivalence. Sometimes silence is the only way to acknowledge how truly HUGE the impact of something is. Sometimes silence is the only honest response...and sometimes it is the most healing because it validates the immensity of a situation for the person going through it. Silence says this is unlike anything you've ever seen before, and nothing remotely compares.
Losing my mom and Rob dying suddenly within 3 1/2 months of each other is big. Statistically, you don't hit that very often. Throw in the separation, and that shrinks it further. Toss in that our divorce would be final tomorrow, the 15th, and that really knocks it down to tiny number, and for fun, let's mix in a whole slew of details that aren't public domain, and yeah, I have pastors who are friends telling me they are walking in unchartered territory because they have NEVER heard of anything close to this situation.
Yeah, silence because nothing remotely compares...sounds like the perfectly validating response.
So, dear one, walk in freedom. You are doing exactly what you need to do. You are recognizing a situation that is FAR beyound human ability to do anything about, so you are taking it all to the One who can do anything we need.
You are doing EXACTLY what we need you to do. Please keep it up.
And if Daddy shares any words with you, please share them with me if He says you can. :-)
Love you dearly! Sending you huge hugs!!!