It is now 12:34 am, and the children are in their beds again. It's an emotional night with them really missing their dad. Usually, they see him on Thursday nights, but due to weather concerns that didn't happen. The change in schedule has raised the awareness of Daddy being gone back to the forefront of Favorite Boy's thoughts and emotions. It didn't take Wonder Girl long to join the snuggle pile on the couch.
Nights like this are really hard for me. On one hand, I want to cry because it makes me sad for the children, and when Wonder Boy's voice breaks as he says, "I miss you and Dad being together," my heart breaks, too. Then I get angry because I think the divorce is stupid and unnecessary. It is selfishness at its most unconsionable. However, I don't break into sobs, and I don't throw their dad under a bus. Instead, I speak tenderly and assure them I am here, I have no intention of going anywhere. I tell them again that some days are hard but it is going to get easier, it is easier, and we are okay.
I'm not sure what "okay" looks like, but the hope of it seems to make things better...for them and me.
In my mind, I try to remember that we are in one doozy of a desert right now but the Promised Land is out there. I don't really know what that looks like for us, but I know it is a good place. For the Israelites that was literal. What about us? What does milk and honey look like when you are trying to put your life back together?
Milk--Milk is nurturing, the food a mother gives a baby. It is filled with all the food, nutrients, and provision a baby needs to thrive.
Honey--Sweet, useful for a variety of food items. A teaspoon of local honey everyday can reduce allergies and help one breathe better. It's produced from flowers by worker bees.
While I don't know exactly what the Promised Land looks like or how it will manifest, I know God will nurture us there, and He will give us what we need to thrive. He will fully provide for us as His children. It will be sweet, with beauty around us. It'll be a place we can breathe, and we will have purpose and be productive.
The Promise Land is a good place, a good place indeed, and the God who is going to get us there is with us even now, in the desert...and even now I see the nurturing and the provision, enjoy the sweet moments filled with beauty. Even now, we are breathing...have purpose...are growing...
Even now He is keeping His promise...even now, we really are okay...