When we joined the group, we saw it as a great opportunity for our son. He would meet friends, do something he loved, and grow in a variety of ways. We had visions of laughter and good memories, long-time friendships, and family bonding through supporting his adventure. We had prayed, and we had faith that this was of God, so we jumped in with both feet expecting the work of our hands to be blessed.
...Except it didn't work...
Not the way we thought it would, not the way we had in mind.
In fact, it has not really been what we thought it would be at all. The group lacks the order we think it should have. The people are not...as...easy to get along with as we expected. The leader seems to be struggling. I could go on. Believe me, we have a laundry list of things that are not to our liking, and if we had known what this was going to be like, we would not have joined.
...Except we had prayed...
...We all were sure God wanted us to participate...
...And God knew exactly what it was going to be...
In Proverbs 16:9 we are told man plans his course, but God determines the steps. In other words, we have the general idea, but God has the specifics. We see a destination, and God knows exactly how to get there.
For us, we wanted our son to grow, to develop character, to learn to work on a team. So did God. He just had different steps to getting there, steps I would not have chosen. Maybe that is why He didn't share that part.
However, now we are in the middle of it all, and in view of our plans and goals, we are pretty disillusioned. We are not seeing the blessings and prosperity we expected. To be quite blunt, we are miserable, confused, and ready to bail.
But above the clatter of my grumbling, I hear a soft voice, a voice tender with love. "How do you think the leader feels?" And in a second I am transported to the many times I have had a vision to build something bigger than me, to bless others, to offer opportunity for others' growth, only to find the road harder than I expected and support lacking. Again voices of fair-weather supporters hoping to capitalize on the success of the vision ring in my ears. Words filled with grumbling, fault-finding, and discouragement...ones that sound too much like mine as of late.
I am still, and my grumbling is silenced. He whispers on.
"How will these young people learn to be a team if no one teaches them? How will they survive with no one to speak life? How will MY son grow character if he never faces a mountain? Great leaders are not made in the quiet places of life but in face of obstacles. I have called him by name, 'One who overcomes all obstacles.' I have called him for such a time as this. He can be a great leader because he has parents with great vision and great faith. Did you not have faith I called you to this? Faith for great things. Faith for growth. Faith for steps of destiny?"
I nod silently...humbly...
Faith that we have something of value to give...that God can use us despite our lack and need to meet others' needs by showing Himself through us.
Faith that in leading us in our destinies He is speaking into others' destinies as well.
Faith that the greatest blessing is to be used by an amazing God to do amazing things in everyday life.
His voice grows even quieter.
"All that matters is faith expressing itself through love.*"
Love for difficult people.
Love for a leader who is trying and has a good heart and a big vision.
Love for God who has chosen us to be His ambassador in this situation.
Love--the act of seeing a situation, not as a means of getting what we want or lack, but as a chance to give what we have...a chance to reveal Him...a chance to see ourselves as He sees us...purposed, equipped, overcomers, contributors...a chosen piece of the solution.
Grumblings silenced, I am in awe.
In awe of a God who lets me think such small thoughts so He can accomplish such great things.
In awe of love so great that it uses us even when we are unlovely.
In awe of a God who sees such large potential in a young boy.
In awe that He lets this self-focused broken vessel with such a tiny self-absorbed comfort zone be the mother of greatness in the making...only realizing in flashes that greatness is already made each time we step aside and let the Lord do what He desires. Body size is consumed in the powerful act of simple obedience.
Yes, I am in awe.
And I take this awe...with encouraged faith and refocused love...look at this little boy with destiny impacting power and say, "This is so much bigger than we realized. YOU are so much bigger than you realized," and pray for him to hold onto that identity, that Truth...and pray I do, too.
*scripture from Galatians 5:6
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
Showing posts with label power. Show all posts
Showing posts with label power. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Friday, February 22, 2008
Words in Real Life
I have avoided posting about my daily adventures the last two weeks because I've really wanted to focus on the issue of women realizing their value. I have chosen to relate the happenings of the last two weeks with the desire to demonstrate how much God values His children.
Thursday, February 7th--Robert goes to bed with a headache. Robert wakes us up coughing and wheezing. I spend the next four nights monitoring his breathing at night and taking proper steps to avoid respiratory distress.
Monday, February 11th--Robert is better. Anna is now sick. Thankfully, her respiratory track isn't as sensitive, but she is still miserable. Sleep continues to elude me.
Thursday, February 14th--The children are better, and we adopt a Beagle/Dachshund mix. Milly loves the children but hates our dog. Lovely.
--My stepdad goes in for tests and is rushed to the hospital with congestive heart failure.
Friday, February 15th--I am now sick. Milly is still hating Fred, and my stepdad is being scheduled for tests because they believe he might have cancer.
Saturday, February 16th--The heater quits. The sunroom roof leaks with the rain, and our printer dies. Plus, Milly still hates Fred, and Wylie is looking at heart surgery.
Sunday, February 17th--I have to call Milly's foster mom because Fred and Milly have engaged in open fighting. Fred is 60 pounds; Milly is 25. This won't work. We discuss training options, and we agree to try for a few more days, but we realize Milly may not be able to live with us.
--Someone comes to our door and asks if we are interested in selling our popup camper, which we had planned to sell so we could buy an RV. I think this is of God. Rob thinks it is bad timing, but he gets her phone number so we can call in three or four weeks.
Monday, February 18th--Wylie (stepdad) is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday and Wednesday because they feel his heart will not sustain all three stints at once. His kidneys are showing signs of distress.
--I have not slept due to the pain I am in from this illness.
--HOWEVER, Milly and Fred spend the day outside, and when the day is over, they are best friends. Thank you, Lord.
Tuesday, February 19th--I am about to walk out the door when the phone rings. They can't do surgery because Wylie's kidneys are too fragile. They have to call in a specialist.
--I spend the day in bed because I'm so sick.
--The heater person finally comes. He determines we need a new heater. It's price tage? $5800.
--The bank tells us our loans for the remodel (which will get rid of the present roof) are on hold. The loan we are applying for is not possible due to technicalities, but they are willing to let us consider other avenues.
Wednesday, February 20th--I find myself in the doctor's office because my ear is infected. During our conversation, I mention chest pains I had a few weeks ago, and my doctor shares the symptoms of a heart attack in women. Bummer. They are the same. I have an EKG, and they try to do blood work, but I am dehydrated and have to have fluids before they can find blood. I am sent home to drink water and return later.
--No news on my stepdad yet.
--Rob has bought another printer, but has not had time to set it up, so my critiques for my writing group are still sitting on my computer.
--I go back to get my blood work, which works with only 5 total pokes.
--I return home to find the "second opinion" heater man leaving. I ask what the conclusion is. The heater is working. In fact, it started working immediately after being turned on. The technician had cycled through 10 times, and the heater worked each time. "Why replace a heater that works?"
--8:00 that night my mom calls. My stepdad is having surgery the next morning. It is of greater danger to wait. I make a kazillion phone calls and try to sleep, but a reaction to my decongestant keeps me awake for most of the night.
Thursday, February 21st--I am at the hospital at 6:45 am. Wylie is not being prepped.
At 7:30 we are told Wylie has been placed on the "work in" schedule. We do not know why.
At 10:30 we find out Wylie's doctor has the flu, but he has asked his partner to do the surgery. Because we are now working with the partner's schedule and the hospital's schedule, we do not know when Wylie will go in.
At noon, they wheel Wylie back.
At 2:00 we are notified surgery is done. All three stints were placed securely. There were no complications. He will be monitored on Friday as they flush the dye from his kidneys and keep an eye on them. If everything goes according to expectations, Wylie will be home Saturday.
I get home late. My ear is throbbing, and I am exhausted.
Friday, February 22nd--I am up early and try to have quiet time, but all I can think about is my stress test. I am not afraid of heart issues. I am, however, afraid of the test. My mind is filled with memories of the last stress test, being yelled at by the doctor, and being griped at by the nurse because my legs cramped and I was unable to reach their desired heart rate. I fight anxiety attacks.
--10:00 I am at the doctor's office.
--11:00 I walk out of the doctor's office and head home to work on my book chapter so I can turn it in for critique by my group.
That gives you the list of events of the week. What it does not include are the random emails people sent asking about my stepdad, asking how I am feeling, telling me prayers are being prayed. I cannot list the emails/phone calls that simply came in the form of, "Jerri, I appreciate you." I most certainly cannot convey their impact. There were comments made by peopel who had no idea what all was going on. In fact, only three people knew my doctor has concerns about the possibility that I've had a heart attack (BTW, test results should be in by Wednesday). Yet, people I do not even mentally hold as close friends randomly emailed or dropped a note to let me know I bless them in some way. I've received beautiful verses and scriptures, words that are precisely what the Lord has put in my heart. No one could have known about those. Instead, they simply responded to the promptings of the Spirit. I don't know if they realized the Lord was speaking to them or not. I only know they obeyed, and with each word, I was given peace.
In all of the last two weeks, I will tell you honestly that I have been exhausted. I am still very tired. However, emotionally and mentally, I have not felt fear. I have not felt panic. I only had one moment that really made me a bit lop-sided, for lack of a better word. I think part of that is having walked this road with my biological dad. I think part of it was choosing to focus on God's faithfulness. I KNOW a huge part of the ease with which our family walked through this was the prayer, the words, and the actions of the people God used to encourage and support us.
In my last post, I talked about the power our words have to heal. I share with you the events of the last two weeks because I want to convey the powerful use of words in my life and the lives of my family. The words spoken to us and the words prayed over us protected us and kept our hearts safe.
For those who used your words to heal and protect us, our deepest gratitude is yours. May the spoils of our victories be poured upon you and your families, and may your faith be increased to speak even more boldly so that the power of God is released in even greater ways.
God bless you.
Thursday, February 7th--Robert goes to bed with a headache. Robert wakes us up coughing and wheezing. I spend the next four nights monitoring his breathing at night and taking proper steps to avoid respiratory distress.
Monday, February 11th--Robert is better. Anna is now sick. Thankfully, her respiratory track isn't as sensitive, but she is still miserable. Sleep continues to elude me.
Thursday, February 14th--The children are better, and we adopt a Beagle/Dachshund mix. Milly loves the children but hates our dog. Lovely.
--My stepdad goes in for tests and is rushed to the hospital with congestive heart failure.
Friday, February 15th--I am now sick. Milly is still hating Fred, and my stepdad is being scheduled for tests because they believe he might have cancer.
Saturday, February 16th--The heater quits. The sunroom roof leaks with the rain, and our printer dies. Plus, Milly still hates Fred, and Wylie is looking at heart surgery.
Sunday, February 17th--I have to call Milly's foster mom because Fred and Milly have engaged in open fighting. Fred is 60 pounds; Milly is 25. This won't work. We discuss training options, and we agree to try for a few more days, but we realize Milly may not be able to live with us.
--Someone comes to our door and asks if we are interested in selling our popup camper, which we had planned to sell so we could buy an RV. I think this is of God. Rob thinks it is bad timing, but he gets her phone number so we can call in three or four weeks.
Monday, February 18th--Wylie (stepdad) is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday and Wednesday because they feel his heart will not sustain all three stints at once. His kidneys are showing signs of distress.
--I have not slept due to the pain I am in from this illness.
--HOWEVER, Milly and Fred spend the day outside, and when the day is over, they are best friends. Thank you, Lord.
Tuesday, February 19th--I am about to walk out the door when the phone rings. They can't do surgery because Wylie's kidneys are too fragile. They have to call in a specialist.
--I spend the day in bed because I'm so sick.
--The heater person finally comes. He determines we need a new heater. It's price tage? $5800.
--The bank tells us our loans for the remodel (which will get rid of the present roof) are on hold. The loan we are applying for is not possible due to technicalities, but they are willing to let us consider other avenues.
Wednesday, February 20th--I find myself in the doctor's office because my ear is infected. During our conversation, I mention chest pains I had a few weeks ago, and my doctor shares the symptoms of a heart attack in women. Bummer. They are the same. I have an EKG, and they try to do blood work, but I am dehydrated and have to have fluids before they can find blood. I am sent home to drink water and return later.
--No news on my stepdad yet.
--Rob has bought another printer, but has not had time to set it up, so my critiques for my writing group are still sitting on my computer.
--I go back to get my blood work, which works with only 5 total pokes.
--I return home to find the "second opinion" heater man leaving. I ask what the conclusion is. The heater is working. In fact, it started working immediately after being turned on. The technician had cycled through 10 times, and the heater worked each time. "Why replace a heater that works?"
--8:00 that night my mom calls. My stepdad is having surgery the next morning. It is of greater danger to wait. I make a kazillion phone calls and try to sleep, but a reaction to my decongestant keeps me awake for most of the night.
Thursday, February 21st--I am at the hospital at 6:45 am. Wylie is not being prepped.
At 7:30 we are told Wylie has been placed on the "work in" schedule. We do not know why.
At 10:30 we find out Wylie's doctor has the flu, but he has asked his partner to do the surgery. Because we are now working with the partner's schedule and the hospital's schedule, we do not know when Wylie will go in.
At noon, they wheel Wylie back.
At 2:00 we are notified surgery is done. All three stints were placed securely. There were no complications. He will be monitored on Friday as they flush the dye from his kidneys and keep an eye on them. If everything goes according to expectations, Wylie will be home Saturday.
I get home late. My ear is throbbing, and I am exhausted.
Friday, February 22nd--I am up early and try to have quiet time, but all I can think about is my stress test. I am not afraid of heart issues. I am, however, afraid of the test. My mind is filled with memories of the last stress test, being yelled at by the doctor, and being griped at by the nurse because my legs cramped and I was unable to reach their desired heart rate. I fight anxiety attacks.
--10:00 I am at the doctor's office.
--11:00 I walk out of the doctor's office and head home to work on my book chapter so I can turn it in for critique by my group.
That gives you the list of events of the week. What it does not include are the random emails people sent asking about my stepdad, asking how I am feeling, telling me prayers are being prayed. I cannot list the emails/phone calls that simply came in the form of, "Jerri, I appreciate you." I most certainly cannot convey their impact. There were comments made by peopel who had no idea what all was going on. In fact, only three people knew my doctor has concerns about the possibility that I've had a heart attack (BTW, test results should be in by Wednesday). Yet, people I do not even mentally hold as close friends randomly emailed or dropped a note to let me know I bless them in some way. I've received beautiful verses and scriptures, words that are precisely what the Lord has put in my heart. No one could have known about those. Instead, they simply responded to the promptings of the Spirit. I don't know if they realized the Lord was speaking to them or not. I only know they obeyed, and with each word, I was given peace.
In all of the last two weeks, I will tell you honestly that I have been exhausted. I am still very tired. However, emotionally and mentally, I have not felt fear. I have not felt panic. I only had one moment that really made me a bit lop-sided, for lack of a better word. I think part of that is having walked this road with my biological dad. I think part of it was choosing to focus on God's faithfulness. I KNOW a huge part of the ease with which our family walked through this was the prayer, the words, and the actions of the people God used to encourage and support us.
In my last post, I talked about the power our words have to heal. I share with you the events of the last two weeks because I want to convey the powerful use of words in my life and the lives of my family. The words spoken to us and the words prayed over us protected us and kept our hearts safe.
For those who used your words to heal and protect us, our deepest gratitude is yours. May the spoils of our victories be poured upon you and your families, and may your faith be increased to speak even more boldly so that the power of God is released in even greater ways.
God bless you.
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