A season of learning begins. New books. New packages of empty paper filled with possibility.
I find a quiet place and seek wisdom, guidance, a word for the year, something beyond my wisdom or my finite thoughts of importance. I seek His heart because He knows what lies ahead and what understanding, knowlegde, and soul tools we'll need for the trip. He takes my heart and leads me to Psalm 25, a Psalm of hope. Verses 14 and 15 magnify in my spirit.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
I take the soul food to our morning gathering. The breakfast table is ready for feeding, bodies and souls.
Cereal feeds the body. Conversation feeds the bonds of family. Plans for the day. Changes in educational method according to changes in age and ability. A new year holding new things, but some things do not change.
The beginning is always with Him.
Cereal bowls are pushed aside, and the Bible is laid open.
I read the whole chapter of hope and then speak again the verses magnified in my heart. "These are the promises of the Lord for our year. The confiding our His heart, the revelation of His covenant, the revealing of Himself as we look to Him, and freedom from snares. This is what the Lord desires to do in us this year."
Children's hearts do not comprehend the extravagance of such a gift. I do...and I pray to comprehend more, to reach beyond my finite knowledge to the infinite grace that desires to reveal itself. Beyond my wildest dreams and greatest imagination...
The adventure of eternity...
I begin to ask questions, offer possibilities, dream for myself...for the children before me...for the descendants to come...
What greater thing is there to know than the heart of God? What greater freedom can be found than that of His covenant? Freedom to be oneself in His authentic plan. Freedom to fly like eagles. Freedom to rejoice in all He is and all we are in Him.
What snares hold us captive? How does He wish to set us free? How do we walk in the freedom He gives? In what idols do we place our hope for freedom? Lord, show us. Deliver us...from the idols...from ourselves.
We ponder. Our heads dip with the weight of snares. Our eyes sparkle with the thought of freedom. Smiles grow as possibilities become hopes...
The adventure of this learning has begun...
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
Showing posts with label deliverance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deliverance. Show all posts
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Out of Solitary
Last week I told you about the amazing friends the Lord gave me and how they were right with me during this very hard season. In the past, if I had read such a story, I would have been sad and envious of someone who had such good friends, who had relationships where they could be real and not have to perform. It occurred to me, that some of you reading this might feel the same way, so I want to share with you about the three friends who have walked so closely with me the last few months.
Before I tell you about the friends I have now, let me tell you about the friends I haven’t had. Honestly, until a few years ago, I could not have identify a “good friend” for you, little less a “best friend”. There were people I did things with, people I loved and still do, people who loved me and my family. However, there was a lack of realness there. I won’t say it was their fault.
Believe it or not, I’ve never been good at being transparent. When I was growing up, I learned acceptance came from performing well. I learned to perform very well. Instead of being the road to acceptance, it became a prison. One never performs perfectly, so one is never perfectly acceptable. Being analytical in nature, I knew well what not performing meant. No one had to tell me. I simply knew. Perform well, you are acceptable, but what about days when I didn’t?
Any actor or actress knows what you do. You keep the audience at a distance and cover the imperfections with smoke and mirrors. I was very good at what I did.
Except, I wasn’t. I was good at performing but horrid at being accepted. The very thing I performed to receive eluded me. Instead of finding a place to be myself, I just kept finding more places to perform.
Friendships were based on things others liked to do, not true common interests. In fact, I had no interests I could call my own. I just sort of followed everyone else and did what they wanted. I didn’t have wild friends. Nothing they did was immoral, so it didn’t hurt anything.
And yet, it did.
When my dad died six years ago, reality slammed me in ways I don’t think I can articulate. The harshest reality of all was that I had no one I could talk to about it. I had created such a lovely façade of a life that I had no one to take behind the scenes. There was no one to talk to when I took off the mask because no one even realized I wore a mask. I was stuck in solitary confinement of my own making.
One thing I have found, though, when I am totally alone, I’m really not. In my solitary confinement cell sat Jesus.
In Isaiah 61, we are told Jesus came to set the captives free. I was a captive, and all I knew to do was pray for Jesus to set me free. I confessed what I knew held me captive—arrogance, pride, low self-esteem, fear, low self-value, rejection, lying (about who I was and having it together), and other things. I asked forgiveness, and I asked that He would do for me what the angel did for Peter in Acts 12.
In Acts 12, Peter is in prison, and an angel wakes him up. The angel says to get dressed and follow him, so Peter does. Peter assumes this is a dream until he is standing on the street, and the angel disappears. Then Peter runs to his friends, tells them the story, and escapes to freedom. I needed that kind of jailbreak.
It wasn’t enough to get out of prison. I needed to know how to walk and live outside the cell. Which way was I supposed to go mentally and emotionally so I didn’t end up in the same prison again? What was I supposed to do to remain free? What did freedom look like anyway?
I had no idea. But Jesus did, and in the next few posts, I’ll share how He set me free because He wants to do it for you, too.
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
Before I tell you about the friends I have now, let me tell you about the friends I haven’t had. Honestly, until a few years ago, I could not have identify a “good friend” for you, little less a “best friend”. There were people I did things with, people I loved and still do, people who loved me and my family. However, there was a lack of realness there. I won’t say it was their fault.
Believe it or not, I’ve never been good at being transparent. When I was growing up, I learned acceptance came from performing well. I learned to perform very well. Instead of being the road to acceptance, it became a prison. One never performs perfectly, so one is never perfectly acceptable. Being analytical in nature, I knew well what not performing meant. No one had to tell me. I simply knew. Perform well, you are acceptable, but what about days when I didn’t?
Any actor or actress knows what you do. You keep the audience at a distance and cover the imperfections with smoke and mirrors. I was very good at what I did.
Except, I wasn’t. I was good at performing but horrid at being accepted. The very thing I performed to receive eluded me. Instead of finding a place to be myself, I just kept finding more places to perform.
Friendships were based on things others liked to do, not true common interests. In fact, I had no interests I could call my own. I just sort of followed everyone else and did what they wanted. I didn’t have wild friends. Nothing they did was immoral, so it didn’t hurt anything.
And yet, it did.
When my dad died six years ago, reality slammed me in ways I don’t think I can articulate. The harshest reality of all was that I had no one I could talk to about it. I had created such a lovely façade of a life that I had no one to take behind the scenes. There was no one to talk to when I took off the mask because no one even realized I wore a mask. I was stuck in solitary confinement of my own making.
One thing I have found, though, when I am totally alone, I’m really not. In my solitary confinement cell sat Jesus.
In Isaiah 61, we are told Jesus came to set the captives free. I was a captive, and all I knew to do was pray for Jesus to set me free. I confessed what I knew held me captive—arrogance, pride, low self-esteem, fear, low self-value, rejection, lying (about who I was and having it together), and other things. I asked forgiveness, and I asked that He would do for me what the angel did for Peter in Acts 12.
In Acts 12, Peter is in prison, and an angel wakes him up. The angel says to get dressed and follow him, so Peter does. Peter assumes this is a dream until he is standing on the street, and the angel disappears. Then Peter runs to his friends, tells them the story, and escapes to freedom. I needed that kind of jailbreak.
It wasn’t enough to get out of prison. I needed to know how to walk and live outside the cell. Which way was I supposed to go mentally and emotionally so I didn’t end up in the same prison again? What was I supposed to do to remain free? What did freedom look like anyway?
I had no idea. But Jesus did, and in the next few posts, I’ll share how He set me free because He wants to do it for you, too.
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
Thursday, July 31, 2008
A Post Perfectly from God
My focus lately with my posts is the power of the Word of God. It can calm any sea, open any sea for that matter, create a universe, tear down kingdoms and prisons, and bring freedom and peace.
Shonda emailed me privately and left a comment about the power of the Word in her life. I suggested she write something up and let me post it (all credit going to her, or course). She then wrote a wonderful article on her blog about being set free from perfectionism through the Word.
I am slow in getting the link here, but if you have ANY prison or shackle that you are wanting freedom from, you need to read this. The verses may be different, but the principle is the same. Even if there is nothing you are struggling with right now, you need to read this. It is that good, and it is good reference for others you know who might be struggling.
Oh, and while you are at Shonda's, you'll also want to read "Rose Colored Glasses" and "From Wild to Privileged"...and lots of other stuff for that matter.
So visit Shonda. Get blessed. Listen to God. Get free.
Shonda emailed me privately and left a comment about the power of the Word in her life. I suggested she write something up and let me post it (all credit going to her, or course). She then wrote a wonderful article on her blog about being set free from perfectionism through the Word.
I am slow in getting the link here, but if you have ANY prison or shackle that you are wanting freedom from, you need to read this. The verses may be different, but the principle is the same. Even if there is nothing you are struggling with right now, you need to read this. It is that good, and it is good reference for others you know who might be struggling.
Oh, and while you are at Shonda's, you'll also want to read "Rose Colored Glasses" and "From Wild to Privileged"...and lots of other stuff for that matter.
So visit Shonda. Get blessed. Listen to God. Get free.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Be Still and Know...
...that I am God.--Psalm 46:10
The whole verse says this:
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
Being still is not my forte. In fact, it isn't on my list of "sort of good at". However, God is clear. Be still and know that I am God...and watch what I do.
I will be exalted...
Exalted. Placed above.
When we were doing the house remodel, I felt like I was scrounging for time with God. I was trying to be still, but there was always some decision, some work, some demand. When the remodel frenzy was over (the outside should be painted this week), I prayed a simple prayer: "Lord, help me get still again and hear you. Help me to find focus again. Help me see the bigger picture of Your Kingdom and not the small picture of paint chips, shelf trim, and new dishes."
I prayed that prayer because I realized I had become addicted to the adrenaline rush of "have to". You know what I mean. It's the list as long as your leg reminding you of all the things that have to be done and the push to get them all done TODAY. Either that, or my handy dandy pendulum swung the other direction where I wanted to do nothing because there was so much to do that I couldn't do it all, so I did nothing.
Both are bad. Both get my focus off God and on stuff. Mostly, it gets my focus on me and my abilities. As I said, bad.
For over three weeks now, I have had bronchitis. The first two weeks were unreal. I don't think I've ever been that sick. I don't recall ever feeling like I would pass out from lack of oxygen. I truly felt like I was suffocating, and, yes, that was with the lovely steroid help I was getting. For the last week and a half, my airways have been open, but I am still draining and coughing. Talking is still a highly questionable activity, and I'm more thankful than ever for voicemail. I won't tell you I've enjoyed any of this. Quite the contrary. Had you been here one day last week, you would have heard me cursing this illness, this coughing, the aching muscles, and the whole viral thing to hell along with every demon attached to it and commanding it to stay there, never to visit upon anyone on this earth ever again. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and God and I have discussed my thoughts on the whole issue.
However, I have to say that the Lord has not allowed the enemy to take my treasure. On the contrary, the Lord has been reminding me just what my treasure is, and I don't think I would have listened--or had the time to ponder it--unless I was too exhausted to make a body indention on the couch.
Last week, Jan Brand, a precious lady from my writing group, and I had a lovely exchange of emails. If you ever get the chance, sit with Jan awhile. Read her writing if you can, but absolutely, sit with her awhile. There is much to glean from her, and even if there isn't a large verbal exchange, you'll get stuff. Hold on to it. Let it simmer, as we say in the South. Check it periodically and see what God has cooked up through what you've learned from her.
She and I talked about a variety of things: writing, family, ministry, Truth seeking. Good stuff. I told her my philosophy on writing, speaking, and photography. I see the bigger picture. Then, she suggested that because I did, maybe I was seeing big enough.
I smiled.
The truth is I had seen that big, but it was so big. Bigger than I could believe for. At least, it was until Jan and I talked. Now, I realize I was right, and I have the faith to follow that path.
Now, you are probably thinking I'm going to leave you hanging with my metaphorical cryptic revelations, like I used to do. I'm not. I'll at least share part of it.
As many of you know, for years the Lord has put women on my heart. I am grieved at the loss of identity and value of women, not among the men, although that is frustrating. What breaks my heart is how very little value women have for themselves and other women. The enemy has done a good job of stealing identities, destinies, and hope. The Lord has given me strategies for restoring that. I believe God is outraged by the imprisonment of His daughters, and He is actively working to set them free.
Imprisonment takes many forms, and I expect over time He'll discuss them all here. For now, know He has not forgotten, and He has not abandoned. On the contrary, He is fighting ardently for every daughter of His that feels the pain of shackles or feels the cold oppression of prison walls. He won't leave you there if don't want to stay. He has given many people strategies, and they are working.
As for me, I have two main strategies I'm considering at this time.
First is a focused prayer group in which women come together and pray for their marriages and children. Satan likes to tell us we are failures as wives and moms, and since the core of our identity is that of nurturer and lover, we are easily immobilized or are easily distracted by means of escape to avoid the areas that hurt us. God doesn't want us to fail, and He doesn't want us to hurt. Instead, He wants to give us strategies to win and be victorious. He wants to kill the family curses and bring blessings on our families. I believe it is His plan to create units of warriors that fight together and keep each other focused on Truth. The question is date and frequency. I'm praying.
Second, I am presently working with several retreat centers to schedule a "semi-silent" retreat. They would last Friday through Sunday. We would come together for meals to talk, process, and pray. Otherwise, the women would be alone with their Bibles and journals and God. The idea being we all need to be still and hear God. We need to be still long enough to get beyond our prayer list and the noise of life to the point where we listen and hear His voice. It isn't just so we get direction and answers to our questions. It is to hear His heart for us and about us. The whole purpose is to be still and hear His heart.
One person asked me about worship. I have no intention of providing any form of worship music. In fact, iPods, CDs, and such are banned. Here's why. I think we should learn to worship the Lord out of our own hearts, with our own passion, in our own creatively intimate way. Sing a song in your head. Make one up, OR better yet, stop and listen to the Lord sing over you.
For too many women hoping God values them, loves them so much that He would serenade them is beyond any idea of possibility.
I guess my heart for these retreats is so simple. I want the women who go on them to have head on collision with God in all His amazing love and passion for them. I want them to be swept off their feet and enraptured by the One who is enraptured by them.
And so, I am working on two retreats a year, one in the fall and one in the spring. The retreat centers have not had anyone with this vision before, but when I shared it with them, they became very quiet, and then I heard, "Wow, that sounds amazing."
I think so. I should have the preliminary information organized by the end of the week, and I will send out the information to ladies then. If the Lord brings it to mind, pray for me, the retreat centers, and the ladies who will come.
Those are the smaller pieces of strategy the Lord has given me. As for the bigger picture, I simply want to minister to women and see them healed and equipped. Thankfully, Rob is in agreement, and we'll see what the Lord does with that desire. Just so you know, I expect it to be big.
The whole verse says this:
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
Being still is not my forte. In fact, it isn't on my list of "sort of good at". However, God is clear. Be still and know that I am God...and watch what I do.
I will be exalted...
Exalted. Placed above.
When we were doing the house remodel, I felt like I was scrounging for time with God. I was trying to be still, but there was always some decision, some work, some demand. When the remodel frenzy was over (the outside should be painted this week), I prayed a simple prayer: "Lord, help me get still again and hear you. Help me to find focus again. Help me see the bigger picture of Your Kingdom and not the small picture of paint chips, shelf trim, and new dishes."
I prayed that prayer because I realized I had become addicted to the adrenaline rush of "have to". You know what I mean. It's the list as long as your leg reminding you of all the things that have to be done and the push to get them all done TODAY. Either that, or my handy dandy pendulum swung the other direction where I wanted to do nothing because there was so much to do that I couldn't do it all, so I did nothing.
Both are bad. Both get my focus off God and on stuff. Mostly, it gets my focus on me and my abilities. As I said, bad.
For over three weeks now, I have had bronchitis. The first two weeks were unreal. I don't think I've ever been that sick. I don't recall ever feeling like I would pass out from lack of oxygen. I truly felt like I was suffocating, and, yes, that was with the lovely steroid help I was getting. For the last week and a half, my airways have been open, but I am still draining and coughing. Talking is still a highly questionable activity, and I'm more thankful than ever for voicemail. I won't tell you I've enjoyed any of this. Quite the contrary. Had you been here one day last week, you would have heard me cursing this illness, this coughing, the aching muscles, and the whole viral thing to hell along with every demon attached to it and commanding it to stay there, never to visit upon anyone on this earth ever again. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and God and I have discussed my thoughts on the whole issue.
However, I have to say that the Lord has not allowed the enemy to take my treasure. On the contrary, the Lord has been reminding me just what my treasure is, and I don't think I would have listened--or had the time to ponder it--unless I was too exhausted to make a body indention on the couch.
Last week, Jan Brand, a precious lady from my writing group, and I had a lovely exchange of emails. If you ever get the chance, sit with Jan awhile. Read her writing if you can, but absolutely, sit with her awhile. There is much to glean from her, and even if there isn't a large verbal exchange, you'll get stuff. Hold on to it. Let it simmer, as we say in the South. Check it periodically and see what God has cooked up through what you've learned from her.
She and I talked about a variety of things: writing, family, ministry, Truth seeking. Good stuff. I told her my philosophy on writing, speaking, and photography. I see the bigger picture. Then, she suggested that because I did, maybe I was seeing big enough.
I smiled.
The truth is I had seen that big, but it was so big. Bigger than I could believe for. At least, it was until Jan and I talked. Now, I realize I was right, and I have the faith to follow that path.
Now, you are probably thinking I'm going to leave you hanging with my metaphorical cryptic revelations, like I used to do. I'm not. I'll at least share part of it.
As many of you know, for years the Lord has put women on my heart. I am grieved at the loss of identity and value of women, not among the men, although that is frustrating. What breaks my heart is how very little value women have for themselves and other women. The enemy has done a good job of stealing identities, destinies, and hope. The Lord has given me strategies for restoring that. I believe God is outraged by the imprisonment of His daughters, and He is actively working to set them free.
Imprisonment takes many forms, and I expect over time He'll discuss them all here. For now, know He has not forgotten, and He has not abandoned. On the contrary, He is fighting ardently for every daughter of His that feels the pain of shackles or feels the cold oppression of prison walls. He won't leave you there if don't want to stay. He has given many people strategies, and they are working.
As for me, I have two main strategies I'm considering at this time.
First is a focused prayer group in which women come together and pray for their marriages and children. Satan likes to tell us we are failures as wives and moms, and since the core of our identity is that of nurturer and lover, we are easily immobilized or are easily distracted by means of escape to avoid the areas that hurt us. God doesn't want us to fail, and He doesn't want us to hurt. Instead, He wants to give us strategies to win and be victorious. He wants to kill the family curses and bring blessings on our families. I believe it is His plan to create units of warriors that fight together and keep each other focused on Truth. The question is date and frequency. I'm praying.
Second, I am presently working with several retreat centers to schedule a "semi-silent" retreat. They would last Friday through Sunday. We would come together for meals to talk, process, and pray. Otherwise, the women would be alone with their Bibles and journals and God. The idea being we all need to be still and hear God. We need to be still long enough to get beyond our prayer list and the noise of life to the point where we listen and hear His voice. It isn't just so we get direction and answers to our questions. It is to hear His heart for us and about us. The whole purpose is to be still and hear His heart.
One person asked me about worship. I have no intention of providing any form of worship music. In fact, iPods, CDs, and such are banned. Here's why. I think we should learn to worship the Lord out of our own hearts, with our own passion, in our own creatively intimate way. Sing a song in your head. Make one up, OR better yet, stop and listen to the Lord sing over you.
For too many women hoping God values them, loves them so much that He would serenade them is beyond any idea of possibility.
I guess my heart for these retreats is so simple. I want the women who go on them to have head on collision with God in all His amazing love and passion for them. I want them to be swept off their feet and enraptured by the One who is enraptured by them.
And so, I am working on two retreats a year, one in the fall and one in the spring. The retreat centers have not had anyone with this vision before, but when I shared it with them, they became very quiet, and then I heard, "Wow, that sounds amazing."
I think so. I should have the preliminary information organized by the end of the week, and I will send out the information to ladies then. If the Lord brings it to mind, pray for me, the retreat centers, and the ladies who will come.
Those are the smaller pieces of strategy the Lord has given me. As for the bigger picture, I simply want to minister to women and see them healed and equipped. Thankfully, Rob is in agreement, and we'll see what the Lord does with that desire. Just so you know, I expect it to be big.
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