In a Single Bound

I feel like I took a flying leap off the side of a mountain, and if it were not for trusting God so much, I think I would throw up.


Actually, jumping off mountains solo isn't such a big deal anymore. I've become pretty accustomed to that. It's jumping tandem that leaves me reeling, especially when the one tethered to me is my daughter...especially when she is standing on the precipice ready to go over the edge and God says, "I made her to fly. Let her go."


She looks at me questioning. I nod.


Off she goes.


I am right with her, as though a mother's heart could be anywhere else.


And now we are flying in what feels like a free fall, out of control.


Out of my control.


My last illusion of control went flying over the edge with us, and right now, I'm not enjoying the flight. Right now, I hate this. Right now, one thought goes through my mind: "God, what have I done?"


I know the answer. What I have done is release my daughter from my safety zone to God's infinite possibilities. What I have done is declare that I believe His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are above my ways...and He can do amazing things...through my adolescent daughter...HIS daughter.


I keep tripping over that.


HIS daughter. His creation. His solution to a world in need. His answer to girls caught in a life of slavery and hopelessness. His chosen one.


Right now, though, my mother's heart is struggling. Right now it is concerned about my life, my comfort zone, my life status quo, my family...my own personal Rockwellian view of family life.


But Norman Rockwell was an illusionist. He had a gift for making life's tough spots look poetic, but life isn't poetry, not the kind with perfect metre and comforting rhymes. Life is messy. Healing is done with tears, not smiles. Families in perfect clothes at the perfect table for the perfect holiday spill things...drinks, soups, and souls.


It's in the mess and the spills that the connections occur. A touch of the hand when wiping up the tea. Arms wrapped round to dry the tears. Hearts laid bare as souls are tended.


It is into this mess that my daughter chooses to walk, into the world of young girls captured into a hellish nightmare of human slavery, children sold to grown men to fulfill a wife's place. She, too, is captured...by the hope of freedom for every child who feels hopeless. She is determined to be their hope. She is determined to be the light in their darkness and to find them in their prisons and set them free.


She can do it. Maybe not alone, but people have good hearts. They just need someone to tell them about these children and give them the chance to help. And she will.


What exactly that means for my personalized Rockwell picture, I don't know, but while my mother's heart is screaming, "What have I done?", my faith answers, "I've given her the freedom she wants to give these children...the freedom to be an answer, to be a blessing, to live big, to serve God in whatever way He leads. I've given her the freedom to fly."




To find out more about how you can help set children free from the nightmare of human trafficking and sex slave trade, please visit AMPED Red Light Rescue, Sowers of the Seed Inernational, or contact me personally. Thank you.

All That Matters

I don't normally do this.

When I write personal emails or personal words of encouragement to people, I don't usually share them on my blog. After all, they are personal. This morning I wrote a personal email to the ladies who write the For Her column of The Christian Pulse. These are amazing ladies, and I am so blessed to serve with them. I have great respect for them, and I would never want to break trust with them. However, I feel part of what I wrote is for others, too, and since it is all God's, He can give it to whomever He desires. I pray it encourages and blesses you as well.

Always for Him,
Jerri

From my email...

The Word tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

Last night I had a dream my husband was involved in an affair, and although he made no real effort to hide it, no one would believe me. He was such a good guy, no one believed he could do that, and they all said I was overreacting and being paranoid. Now, I don’t know if the dream has some deeper meaning from God. I haven’t had time to ask Him about it, and although I know my husband is not having an affair, I woke up in a funk, sort of miserable, heart sick, and just gloomy. Exactly the way Satan wants me to be because when I’m like that, I sort of ramble around the battle field feeling and acting puny instead of putting on my armor and fighting the battle set before me.

After about an hour of this pitiful mind misery, I told the Lord, “I feel…”

When I was done, His voice came back to me, and He said, “How you feel isn’t the issue. Who I AM is the issue. I AM the one who loves you, and I AM the one who has all power. Whether your husband is having an affair or not is not the issue. How you feel about anything is not the issue. Whether I am faithful to love and bless you is the issue. Whether you trust me or not is the issue. If you trust me, rejoice in me for I have great plans for you.”

I don’t know what Satan is dumping on you. I don’t know how he is trying to discourage you or attack you today. What I do know is our God is higher than all that. What I know is our God loves you infinitely. What I know is when God is for you, it doesn’t matter who is against you.

Father, I lift up those reading this today. Give them joy in you. Give them strength to stand, and when they have done everything, enable them to stand. Give them a gift of hope where the enemy has tried to cloud them with hopelessness. Open their eyes to see your power and your character. Satan wants them to think you can't--or WON'T--come to their rescue, but you are already providing the solution. Open their eyes to see your answer because sometimes our vision is warped by experience, doctrine, and tradition. Open eyes to see your answer and your love no matter how wild and far-fetched it may look. Open their hearts, minds, and eyes to see and know the reality and power of your love. Thank you for the wonderful things you are doing in all these lives today. Be glorified in us. In the perfect and all-powerful name of Jesus I ask these things, Amen.

Even on Days Like Today

God is good. And I know it. Even on days like today.

Today is a hard day. Actually, I've had a serious of tiring days, which is why I have been gone so long.

About five weeks ago I had to go into the doctor because I had symptoms of the flu. Thankfully, it was a sinus infection. The head got better just in time for me to have a reaction to the antibiotic. Got past that in time for my youngest to get sick, and when he doesn't sleep well, I don't sleep well. Got us mostly well, and my uncle passed on. I don't know if it was really unexpected, but despite what anyone says, there really is no way to prepare yourself for it. The next weekend was the fabulous Keeper of the Flame Proverbs 31 conference. I missed Friday because my husband was so ill. That was two weeks ago. My husband went to the doctor today. Whatever he had is now an infection. And of course in the midst of this are the everyday things of laundry, groceries, homeschool, and other commitments.

All of that flowed right into today.

Today started rough.

I woke up at 5:00 a.m. with a horrendous earache. Finally got the pressure relieved and lay down to doze about 7:00. Woke up to find out my mom had called. Her brother was in emergency surgery following a heart attack last night. The next 24 hours are critical.

My son has not had the best day. Barometric pressure changes knock him for a loop, and the rest of us are along for the ride.

Realized someone I love is not adjusting to some major life changes very well. That was hard to see.

And my family is packing for an impromptu, but very necessary, trip to my in-laws over the weekend. Due to previous commitments, I won't be going, but I might as well be. I am still getting everyone ready to go, and of course, there are all the last minute things like realizing our two suitcases are broken and the children's small suit cases are...small. Errands to run. Laundry to wash, dry, and fold. Last minute shopping to do. And then, I found out my dad's wonderfully affection and fun dachshund was run over and killed. My heart breaks for my dad, who is so very saddened by his loss.

And if I may be honest, I am so tired. My head hurts so much from the tension in my shoulders and neck that I feel like I could cry, but I won't because if I did, it would only hurt worse.

Yeah, a hard day. And now I'm crying.

Still, God is good. He still loves me. He is right with me. He hurts for the people for whom I hurt.

He holds my dad's hand and sits beside him whispering words of comfort, touching his chest gently.

He listens to my cousin grieve for her dad and sees her hurting heart instead of listening to her hurtful words.

He has his arm around my aunt sitting in the ICU waiting room asking Him to let her husband live.

He rides the mood waves with Robert and thinks he is still phenomenally amazing, and He still find great joy in His this fabulously creative creation of His. I wonder when Robert makes something new, if God says, "Yeah, he gets that from me." A pretty neat thought actually.

And when Anna makes clay beads and spends hours meticulously mixing clay and decorating them so they look exactly alike, does He see His own perfect hand working in hers and through hers? Does He stand behind her, His hand wrapped around, disappearing into hers? How much joy does He get from such pleasure of being part of her and her being part of Him?

And on days like today, when I pick up my computer and decide I will not let Satan steal this day--the day when my Lover chooses not to condemn my weakness but to show His strength--do His hands rest on mine as mine wander across the keyboard? Does He whisper these words I write? Is He reading over my shoulder? A smile on His beautiful face? And how excited is He that in all these things I see Him and am insanely, excitedly aware of Him?

How much joy does it give Him for me to find such great joy in Him...even on days like today?

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009

Sovereignty--Perfecting Imperfections

Hannah Farver posted a wonderful entry on her blog. It is exceptional, and I suggest you read "Trusting When Everything Falls." Her initial introduction addresses the sovereignty of God and how hard it is to reconcile a loving God who, in His sovereignty, allows painful things to happen.

I have often heard people who are unwilling to thank God for giving them a job accuse God when they lose one. There are a myriad of questions asking why God allows certain things. It's because He has the eternal picture.

I have two children. If I wanted, I could lock them in padded rooms and never let them out. They would never fall out of a tree. They would never scrape their knees. They would never suffer the pain of a dead pet. There are many things they would never do.

They would never learn the joy that comes from persevering. They would never know the effort and release that comes from forgiving...and being forgiven. They would never know the cost of freedom.

I know letting my children live in this world means they will hurt. I know it means physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually they will struggle. Sometimes their struggles will be more than they think they can handle. Sometimes they'll be more than I think either of us can handle. I do not ordain those struggles. I do not desire those struggles. However, because I believe in the bigger pictures, the larger Truth, the eternal outlook, I give them room to walk into those dangers, to overcome them, to be hurt by them, to be thankful for the healing, to find joyful in laughter, and to know how quickly it can be gone.

It is not a lack of love that leaves me with white knuckles when my daughter goes on a mission trip or that makes me hold my breath when my son does a multiple rotation dive off the diving board. It is my love for them that forces me to allow them the freedom to do the very things that can bring harm...and joy.

If being a human, I understand that it would be impossible to understand freedom locked in a padded cell, surely a Father with perfect love knows we will never understand faith, hope, or freedom without staring at a mountain too big for us, clinging to the embers of a dream that could easily die, or looking at prison walls that surround us.

Sovereignty does not allow situations and events to create fear and dread for us to hide in. To the contrary, sovereignty holds out hope, trust, and faith despite all the things that can...and sometimes do...go wrong.

Sovereignty is not about making things perfect. It's about restoring life despite the imperfections.

Yes, technically, God could make us act perfectly, do everything right, and never cause pain, but then that would slavery, not sovereignty, and where is the love in that?

Copyright 2009 Jerri Phillips