I feel like I took a flying leap off the side of a mountain, and if it were not for trusting God so much, I think I would throw up.
Actually, jumping off mountains solo isn't such a big deal anymore. I've become pretty accustomed to that. It's jumping tandem that leaves me reeling, especially when the one tethered to me is my daughter...especially when she is standing on the precipice ready to go over the edge and God says, "I made her to fly. Let her go."
She looks at me questioning. I nod.
Off she goes.
I am right with her, as though a mother's heart could be anywhere else.
And now we are flying in what feels like a free fall, out of control.
Out of my control.
My last illusion of control went flying over the edge with us, and right now, I'm not enjoying the flight. Right now, I hate this. Right now, one thought goes through my mind: "God, what have I done?"
I know the answer. What I have done is release my daughter from my safety zone to God's infinite possibilities. What I have done is declare that I believe His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are above my ways...and He can do amazing things...through my adolescent daughter...HIS daughter.
I keep tripping over that.
HIS daughter. His creation. His solution to a world in need. His answer to girls caught in a life of slavery and hopelessness. His chosen one.
Right now, though, my mother's heart is struggling. Right now it is concerned about my life, my comfort zone, my life status quo, my family...my own personal Rockwellian view of family life.
But Norman Rockwell was an illusionist. He had a gift for making life's tough spots look poetic, but life isn't poetry, not the kind with perfect metre and comforting rhymes. Life is messy. Healing is done with tears, not smiles. Families in perfect clothes at the perfect table for the perfect holiday spill things...drinks, soups, and souls.
It's in the mess and the spills that the connections occur. A touch of the hand when wiping up the tea. Arms wrapped round to dry the tears. Hearts laid bare as souls are tended.
It is into this mess that my daughter chooses to walk, into the world of young girls captured into a hellish nightmare of human slavery, children sold to grown men to fulfill a wife's place. She, too, is captured...by the hope of freedom for every child who feels hopeless. She is determined to be their hope. She is determined to be the light in their darkness and to find them in their prisons and set them free.
She can do it. Maybe not alone, but people have good hearts. They just need someone to tell them about these children and give them the chance to help. And she will.
What exactly that means for my personalized Rockwell picture, I don't know, but while my mother's heart is screaming, "What have I done?", my faith answers, "I've given her the freedom she wants to give these children...the freedom to be an answer, to be a blessing, to live big, to serve God in whatever way He leads. I've given her the freedom to fly."
To find out more about how you can help set children free from the nightmare of human trafficking and sex slave trade, please visit AMPED Red Light Rescue, Sowers of the Seed Inernational, or contact me personally. Thank you.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Gratitude 32--The Basics
My temp is up, my face is pale, and my stomach is aggitated. The virus my daughter hosted last night has come to visit me today. I am annoyed and, at various times throughout the day, on the verge of tears.
I hate being sick. First of all, I feel like a failure. If I were truly a woman of faith, I'd have authority over this illness, and it would be banished before Anna's temp ever went over 99 degrees. If I were a real woman, I wouldn't let this annoying thing keep me supine on the couch. I'd just push through, get stuff done, and laugh in victory.
However, my temp is over 99, and the bug is still here, and frankly, if I don't lie supine on the couch, my face goes from pale to green.
Second, I had plans. The children and I were going to clear the part of the yard where we are putting in a flowerbed. We soaked the water last night so the roots would be easy to pull up. The ground is ready. Then tonight, I was finally going to have another tennis lesson. I haven't had one in a month because of a variety of things, and I was so excited...then I had to cancel.
Then, in the midst of my near-tears pity party, a prayer I've prayed many times came back to mind.
"Lord, I don't ever want to be your spoiled child who is ungrateful for what you give just because I didn't get exactly what I want."
I'm upset because I didn't get to prepare the ground for the flowerbeds. There are people who never get to see a flower either because their physical eyes are damaged or because their lives are barren. We can prepare the ground in a few days. Will others suddenly have the ability to see then? Will their lives suddenly be filled with color?
I whine about not hitting a tennis ball when there are people today who have no use of their hands, who cannot stand up, who struggle to remember the word "ball". Today I was able to work on laundry, help with schoolwork, and iron pants. Tomorrow will hands be regrown? Will legs grow strong? Will the mind become firm?
Oh, God...have mercy on my self-centered existence. Forgive me for focusing on the unimportant things that can be done later...or not done at all...and no one's world will be the better or worse. Thank you for reminding me that while I am blessed with many frills in life, there are those who would be so thankful for the "basics". And I am grateful, too.
Thank you, Lord.
802. My hands can hold a ball, type on the keyboard, hold my husband's hand, and wipe away my children's tears.
803. My body fights viruses on its own.
804. Our yard is green, even if it is mostly weeds right now.
805. For amazing children who bless me with peaceful naps when my body needs them
806. That you've never called me a failure.
807. Faith is a journey, and I am learning and growing as I go.
808. Grace covers me when I don't perform as well as I wish.
809. Austin, tennis coach extradinaire, who is the epitome of patience and grace
810. Coaches that are soft for my body.
811. Fred, our Lab-experiment, who wags his tale when I pat him, even when my patting him is for my comfort.
812. Rob was the hero of the day cooking dinner so I didn't have to smell it.
813. Dry toast. Oh, Lord, thank you SO much for dry toast.
814. Ice cream.
815. Cool wash cloths.
816. I can walk to the couch on my own power, and if I want to get up, I can do that, too.
817. Lord, I love automatic washing machines and dryers. Oh, I love having them in my house so I don't have to go to a laundromat.
818. Thank you for asnwering my prayers, especially ones that stretch me and cause me to get out of myself. You are so faithful, and I am undone.
I hate being sick. First of all, I feel like a failure. If I were truly a woman of faith, I'd have authority over this illness, and it would be banished before Anna's temp ever went over 99 degrees. If I were a real woman, I wouldn't let this annoying thing keep me supine on the couch. I'd just push through, get stuff done, and laugh in victory.
However, my temp is over 99, and the bug is still here, and frankly, if I don't lie supine on the couch, my face goes from pale to green.
Second, I had plans. The children and I were going to clear the part of the yard where we are putting in a flowerbed. We soaked the water last night so the roots would be easy to pull up. The ground is ready. Then tonight, I was finally going to have another tennis lesson. I haven't had one in a month because of a variety of things, and I was so excited...then I had to cancel.
Then, in the midst of my near-tears pity party, a prayer I've prayed many times came back to mind.
"Lord, I don't ever want to be your spoiled child who is ungrateful for what you give just because I didn't get exactly what I want."
I'm upset because I didn't get to prepare the ground for the flowerbeds. There are people who never get to see a flower either because their physical eyes are damaged or because their lives are barren. We can prepare the ground in a few days. Will others suddenly have the ability to see then? Will their lives suddenly be filled with color?
I whine about not hitting a tennis ball when there are people today who have no use of their hands, who cannot stand up, who struggle to remember the word "ball". Today I was able to work on laundry, help with schoolwork, and iron pants. Tomorrow will hands be regrown? Will legs grow strong? Will the mind become firm?
Oh, God...have mercy on my self-centered existence. Forgive me for focusing on the unimportant things that can be done later...or not done at all...and no one's world will be the better or worse. Thank you for reminding me that while I am blessed with many frills in life, there are those who would be so thankful for the "basics". And I am grateful, too.
Thank you, Lord.
802. My hands can hold a ball, type on the keyboard, hold my husband's hand, and wipe away my children's tears.
803. My body fights viruses on its own.
804. Our yard is green, even if it is mostly weeds right now.
805. For amazing children who bless me with peaceful naps when my body needs them
806. That you've never called me a failure.
807. Faith is a journey, and I am learning and growing as I go.
808. Grace covers me when I don't perform as well as I wish.
809. Austin, tennis coach extradinaire, who is the epitome of patience and grace
810. Coaches that are soft for my body.
811. Fred, our Lab-experiment, who wags his tale when I pat him, even when my patting him is for my comfort.
812. Rob was the hero of the day cooking dinner so I didn't have to smell it.
813. Dry toast. Oh, Lord, thank you SO much for dry toast.
814. Ice cream.
815. Cool wash cloths.
816. I can walk to the couch on my own power, and if I want to get up, I can do that, too.
817. Lord, I love automatic washing machines and dryers. Oh, I love having them in my house so I don't have to go to a laundromat.
818. Thank you for asnwering my prayers, especially ones that stretch me and cause me to get out of myself. You are so faithful, and I am undone.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Where I'm Reading This Week--April 16, 2010
Strong Like Bamboo--Mary Faulkner is a friend of mine. More importantly, she's a world changer. She has a heart to see the world change...by the healing of its women. And in her travels, she meets other world changers...like Sarah.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Where I'm Reading This Week--April 9, 2010
Good food:
"That for a Christian, identity is never about figuring out who he is —- but accepting Whose he is." -- Ann Voskamp
D-I-V-O-R-C-E--Divorce in the home starts with divorce in the heart. This is a wonderfully convicting, challenging, and encouraging article addressing the problem, the progress, and the prevention.
When it Comes Time to Really Die -- Baptism is more than a ceremony. It is the choice to die...to tell everyone you are dead. This is a stunningly beautiful picture of baptism...dying and being buried in Christ...dying daily...and making Him the only life you want to live...
A Great Date (And It's not What You're Thinking) -- "The Lord sets the lonely into families." Maybe you are a single person needing to belong, or you are a family with a home to share. In either case, this is for you. Hope and challenge for the body of Christ to love like He does.
"That for a Christian, identity is never about figuring out who he is —- but accepting Whose he is." -- Ann Voskamp
D-I-V-O-R-C-E--Divorce in the home starts with divorce in the heart. This is a wonderfully convicting, challenging, and encouraging article addressing the problem, the progress, and the prevention.
When it Comes Time to Really Die -- Baptism is more than a ceremony. It is the choice to die...to tell everyone you are dead. This is a stunningly beautiful picture of baptism...dying and being buried in Christ...dying daily...and making Him the only life you want to live...
A Great Date (And It's not What You're Thinking) -- "The Lord sets the lonely into families." Maybe you are a single person needing to belong, or you are a family with a home to share. In either case, this is for you. Hope and challenge for the body of Christ to love like He does.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
All That Matters
I don't normally do this.
When I write personal emails or personal words of encouragement to people, I don't usually share them on my blog. After all, they are personal. This morning I wrote a personal email to the ladies who write the For Her column of The Christian Pulse. These are amazing ladies, and I am so blessed to serve with them. I have great respect for them, and I would never want to break trust with them. However, I feel part of what I wrote is for others, too, and since it is all God's, He can give it to whomever He desires. I pray it encourages and blesses you as well.
Always for Him,
Jerri
From my email...
The Word tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
Last night I had a dream my husband was involved in an affair, and although he made no real effort to hide it, no one would believe me. He was such a good guy, no one believed he could do that, and they all said I was overreacting and being paranoid. Now, I don’t know if the dream has some deeper meaning from God. I haven’t had time to ask Him about it, and although I know my husband is not having an affair, I woke up in a funk, sort of miserable, heart sick, and just gloomy. Exactly the way Satan wants me to be because when I’m like that, I sort of ramble around the battle field feeling and acting puny instead of putting on my armor and fighting the battle set before me.
After about an hour of this pitiful mind misery, I told the Lord, “I feel…”
When I was done, His voice came back to me, and He said, “How you feel isn’t the issue. Who I AM is the issue. I AM the one who loves you, and I AM the one who has all power. Whether your husband is having an affair or not is not the issue. How you feel about anything is not the issue. Whether I am faithful to love and bless you is the issue. Whether you trust me or not is the issue. If you trust me, rejoice in me for I have great plans for you.”
I don’t know what Satan is dumping on you. I don’t know how he is trying to discourage you or attack you today. What I do know is our God is higher than all that. What I know is our God loves you infinitely. What I know is when God is for you, it doesn’t matter who is against you.
Father, I lift up those reading this today. Give them joy in you. Give them strength to stand, and when they have done everything, enable them to stand. Give them a gift of hope where the enemy has tried to cloud them with hopelessness. Open their eyes to see your power and your character. Satan wants them to think you can't--or WON'T--come to their rescue, but you are already providing the solution. Open their eyes to see your answer because sometimes our vision is warped by experience, doctrine, and tradition. Open eyes to see your answer and your love no matter how wild and far-fetched it may look. Open their hearts, minds, and eyes to see and know the reality and power of your love. Thank you for the wonderful things you are doing in all these lives today. Be glorified in us. In the perfect and all-powerful name of Jesus I ask these things, Amen.
When I write personal emails or personal words of encouragement to people, I don't usually share them on my blog. After all, they are personal. This morning I wrote a personal email to the ladies who write the For Her column of The Christian Pulse. These are amazing ladies, and I am so blessed to serve with them. I have great respect for them, and I would never want to break trust with them. However, I feel part of what I wrote is for others, too, and since it is all God's, He can give it to whomever He desires. I pray it encourages and blesses you as well.
Always for Him,
Jerri
From my email...
The Word tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
Last night I had a dream my husband was involved in an affair, and although he made no real effort to hide it, no one would believe me. He was such a good guy, no one believed he could do that, and they all said I was overreacting and being paranoid. Now, I don’t know if the dream has some deeper meaning from God. I haven’t had time to ask Him about it, and although I know my husband is not having an affair, I woke up in a funk, sort of miserable, heart sick, and just gloomy. Exactly the way Satan wants me to be because when I’m like that, I sort of ramble around the battle field feeling and acting puny instead of putting on my armor and fighting the battle set before me.
After about an hour of this pitiful mind misery, I told the Lord, “I feel…”
When I was done, His voice came back to me, and He said, “How you feel isn’t the issue. Who I AM is the issue. I AM the one who loves you, and I AM the one who has all power. Whether your husband is having an affair or not is not the issue. How you feel about anything is not the issue. Whether I am faithful to love and bless you is the issue. Whether you trust me or not is the issue. If you trust me, rejoice in me for I have great plans for you.”
I don’t know what Satan is dumping on you. I don’t know how he is trying to discourage you or attack you today. What I do know is our God is higher than all that. What I know is our God loves you infinitely. What I know is when God is for you, it doesn’t matter who is against you.
Father, I lift up those reading this today. Give them joy in you. Give them strength to stand, and when they have done everything, enable them to stand. Give them a gift of hope where the enemy has tried to cloud them with hopelessness. Open their eyes to see your power and your character. Satan wants them to think you can't--or WON'T--come to their rescue, but you are already providing the solution. Open their eyes to see your answer because sometimes our vision is warped by experience, doctrine, and tradition. Open eyes to see your answer and your love no matter how wild and far-fetched it may look. Open their hearts, minds, and eyes to see and know the reality and power of your love. Thank you for the wonderful things you are doing in all these lives today. Be glorified in us. In the perfect and all-powerful name of Jesus I ask these things, Amen.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Come on Over
Have those times when life feels overwhelming? Ever look up and see a mountain sitting in front of you that appears insurmountable? Ever just get to the point where you mutter in defeat, "I can't do this"?
But then there is a wondrous relief that comes from knowing I can't do it...at least, not alone.
Visit me today over at The Christian Pulse to find out more.
But then there is a wondrous relief that comes from knowing I can't do it...at least, not alone.
Visit me today over at The Christian Pulse to find out more.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Where I'm Reading This Week--April 2, 2010
Braver Every Day -- One of the bravest prayers I've ever read.
Human Target -- How would you live if you knew someone always had you covered?
Human Target -- How would you live if you knew someone always had you covered?
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