Who Gets to be Right?

For the last six weeks or so I've been under a cloud. Actually, it's been more than a cloud. It's been a pretty steady downpour of criticism and rejection from lots of ample sized clouds that seem to never move off my radar.

I shared some of the frustrations of my homeschool loop, but that isn't all. I've struggled with some prolific criticism of my writing from a one particular person, and there have been a few potshots that have left me with some flesh wounds. :-)

I have chosen not to say anything because really, there is nothing to say. There is nothing anyone could say to make me feel better. It isn't about those people, and I know that. In a recent post to said homeschool group, I stated that others only affect us where we have a wound or something in need of healing.

I've written about healing before, and I believe it is God's desire to heal all sickness, whether that be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. If that is true, then I have to wonder why healing doesn't happen. One answer I have found to be true is that we sometimes do not receive the healing offered us.

I have not received the healing offered me, and thus, I have spent weeks sick at heart.

One of my recent posts asked the difference between judging and opinions and whose opinion gets to be right? A lot of people seem to have the opinion that I talk just to hear my head rattle. They feel I have nothing of importance to say, and they believe I simply talk so I can have the last word. Some feel I am too verbose, too descriptive, and too flowery in my writing. Simply put, those folks do not think too highly of me, and they don't seem to think I have much-if anything-to contribute. That is their opinion.

Their opinions hurt.

There. I said it. I don't like criticism. I don't like conflict. I don't like being told I'm unimportant and have no value. I don't like hearing people tell me that my gifts aren't treasured or worthy of value.

However, those people are entitled to their opinions, and their opinions of me aren't very high.

On the other hand, I know so many of you, not just on this blog but through personal emails and friendships, and you have your opinions, too. You've shared them through birthday cards, sympathy cards, emails, your own blog entries, and phone calls. Your opinion is that my writing makes sense, shares Truth, and impacts people. Your opinion is my gifts are treasures with great value to make a difference. You have extremely high opinions of me.

So if their low opinions hurt so much, why don't your high opinions heal so much?

Because sometimes I don't have the sense to embrace the healing held out to me. Sometimes I don't have the sense to recognize the most valuable opinions come from the people who are most valuable to me--the ones who hold my heart tenderly and speak Truth with kindness in their eyes even when I don't want to hear it, the ones that laugh with me, cry with me, listen to stories about my children and ooh and aah at the right times. The valuable people are the ones I can be real with, and they find it endearing.

So, my beloved ones, I am so sorry I did not receive the healing you've held out so faithfully. I have thankfully come to my senses. Granted, it's still raining, and there will always be a cloud around, but I think back to splashing through the puddles rather than sitting in them.

Thank you for being the opinionated bunch you are. I think you are wonderful. Granted, it's only my opinion, but I'm convinced I'm right.

A Sister in Need of Prayer

We have a sister in need of prayer. Wendy's beloved left for Iraq today. He will be home 15 months from now. I've never had to watch my husband and the father of my children leave for a war zone. I cannot imagine the emotions, and even if I could, it doesn't matter. Today Wendy hurts. Her young son hurts.

Please visit her blog regularly to encourage her, but more than that, add Wendy, Corban, and Greg to your prayer lists.

Wendy listed a few concerns:
--Greg's safety
--Corban's adjustment
--Her heart
--Hers and Corban's safety
--Christian men to bond with and support Greg

On behalf of our sister in Christ, I thank you for your prayers and support.

Amazing Grace

Last week a lady on one of my email loops commented that she hates when people use bad grammar and spelling in emails or posts to the loop. Several ladies responded with grace and suggested she consider that emails and posts are usually quickly typed communication of thoughts and not reviewed or formal correspondance.

In the course of the thread, there was conversation about pet peaves and weaknesses and the honesty of imperfection. For some of us, we interpreted the new direction as just general topic. Then somone--a woman of God with discernment and wisdom--interrupted and suggested we consider the impact of our ongoing conversation on others' feelings.

I reacted to her words with sarcasm and rejection. Not one of my finer moments. In fact, it was just flat ugly. Then I decided not to send the reply. However, in a moment of shock and shame, I saw my little cursor click on the "Send" button, and in a breath, the email was gone, unretrievable. At first I stared, mortified, at my computer screen. Then I put my head in my hands and cringed.

My response was horrible. It was shameful, and it was gone.

I don't know how long I sat there before I composed another email. An apology, and I typed and prayed the Lord would give the woman the heart to forgive my reprehensible comments.

The next morning, I sat outside having my quiet time, feeling ashamed. How could I be so...ugh? And as I sat there wallowing in pathetic-ness, I felt the Lord so close to me, and He said, "People will learn from you." Honestly, that is very honoring, but I'm hoping someone can learn from me without my having to do a Peter impersonation as an object lesson.

I tried to focus on my prayer time, but I wasn't sure how the woman of God had reacted to my email, and I didn't know when she would get my apology, and I didn't want her under the cloud of my stupidity. Fainlly, I checked email...and found a reply. She had graciously forgiven me, offering her own apology for her words. We were okay. I was relieved to be forgiven for being a stupid heel.

Because the offense had been public, I felt it appropriate to apologize publicly, and her response was public. The Lord restored peace for all to see, and I was so thankful. Maybe somone would learn from it.

Then I got another email, actually everyone on the loop did. An incredibly gracious woman complimented us on resolving our conflict and blessed us for it. She said some very nice things. I was stunned and so humbled. Humbled to be used by God. Humbled to be called godly by apologizing for something I should never have said. I don't know that "humble" even describes it. I don't know how to describe it. It is an amazement beyond words.

Over the next few days we had a few discussions about opinion and jugment, and I referred to the situation between the woman of God and myself. I hoped it would be an obvious example of two people with good and well-meaning hearts who have ugly moments and choose restoration over offense. I hoped it would demonstrate the importance of God's working in us to show Himself when our humanness is far too obvious.

I don't know if it did or not. I hope so.

Then tonight I returned home from a birthday party with the children and checked my email. I had another email from the woman of God who gave a solid word of correction at the right time, and she apologized again for any hurt she caused. It was so sincere, and I replied to assure her that we are fine, and we are. I admire her and her heart.

Then, I got an email from her that just...I just started to cry. Her words were so kind, so life-giving, so affirming and so gracious, so undeserved. I just started to cry. I'm crying now as I write about it.

In a tender voice, the Lord spoke to me. "You've asked me to give you understanding about the difference between performing well and grace. This is grace."

Grace. The life and blessing I surely don't deserve given by the very person I offended.

Yes, that is grace, and honestly, it is still more than I can understand, but I receive it with deepest gratitude, and I am thankful for the woman of God who had the heart to show me exactly what it looks like.

Honored to be her sister in Christ...

An Amendment to my Opinion

This morning I’ve considered my post on opinion and judgment, and while I stand by it, I made a statement that I think needs clarification.

I said when others’ opinions turn to personal offense on my part, it is often because I have a hurt that needs a touch by the Lord. I do not think that hurt has to be some deep wound from childhood or any other time in life. Sometimes the hurt is simply from the day. It could have been that my husband hurt my feelings or my children decided they did not need to be respectful and honoring. It could be something as inane as a cashier’s attitude at the store that spilled over onto me.

My response to others typically is far more about the other people and situations or events in my life than it is the actual person. I’ll explain what I mean.

Email has no tone. They are simple words. There is no intonation, no body language. How I translate emails and electronic posts is based on my personal mental and emotional filters. I have been at a point where I took everything as rejection and criticism. Thankfully, I’m not there anymore. However, I still go through time spans in which I do, and it really has nothing to do with the post or email. I know this because I have taken some folks jokes (with smiles attached) and turned them into barbs that were most assuredly aimed at me. In my lucid moments, I know those people’s hearts. I know they are not vindictive, and I know their comments weren’t aimed at any person in particular. However, my emotional and mental state is not always lucid, and it isn’t about the person or even their comment. It really has to do with what I am dealing with personally. If I’ve had a rough day with my writing critique group, I’m more likely to take things as rejection. If I’ve had a day where folks let me in the lane of traffic I needed or people at the store were nice, I’m more likely to have grace.

On bad days, I do need a healing touch from the Lord. I need to be alone with Him for Him to speak truth and love or correction so I can repent and make peace. I need to just be still, resettle, and get perspective. I also need to leave all emails and posts that evoke negative reaction until later. I have NEVER regretted not responding with anger or sarcasm.

On the flip side of this is the reality that sometimes folks react to my emails or posts with claws out and teeth bared, and it isn’t about me. Sometimes they’ve had a bad day. Sometimes their husbands hurt their feelings or their children didn’t honor them. Sometimes they have bad cashiers, too. While my first reaction may be (and too often is) to jump back at them, I have found if I take time to pray about it, the Lord will soften my heart and remind me to see their heart, not their actions. Maybe I don’t have any prophetic insight into their lives, but I have grace to respond with a heart of reconciliation and restoration. I have seen many people do this very thing, and when they do, they are the touch from God that offers healing. And that is a tone that translates well no matter what the day has been like.

Blessings!!!

My Opinion on Judging

I am part of a homeschool email loop, and I find it pathetic at how often folks who share their opinions are accused of judging. It is prevalent in society, I know, but really, do we truly not have the right to dislike something without being called judgmental?

Anyway, I wrote a post for the group. I figure it'll end up with a bunch of holes from the fire it draws for the simple reason my saying I pray for Hilary Clinton got me called an "ungodly Communist". If praying for my enemy makes me a Communist, I don't know what suggesting grace makes me.

At any rate, I am posting it here. I am not longer naive enough to think everyone will agree or that my writing will alter everyone's world and make them agree with me. However, hopefully, it will make folks think, and ultimately, it will lead them to seek God on a topic. Only good things can come when folks seek God because when they seek Him, they will find Him, and then, He can do amazing things.

Feel free to share your opinions.

My post:

Okay, so someone posts on here that she can't stand when people do not use proper grammar. Some folks agreed. Some said they didn't think it mattered. I thought it was a simple exchange of opinions. Then someone responds with a personal comment about critiquing others, which to me, implies that someone was judged.

This has happened a few times in different threads, and I find it frustrating and confusing how we go from opinion to "don't judge". Why is it that if I don't agree with someone it is judging? Why am I not entitled to my own opinion? And what makes their opinion right and mine wrong? Maybe, they are the one judging me?

The only thing I can think of is when people expect a higher level of moral, academic, or behavioral behavior than we exhibit or feel is necessary, we become defensive and deem them as judgmental because we feel they are rejecting us. I say "we" because I can react defensively when I feel others reject me as well.

However, I think when I respond that way, I am as guilty of judging as I assume the other person is. I judge that person to be proud and arrogant. I judge that person's heart to be one of rejection. Sometimes I am right, but sometimes the person is simply sharing their opinion.

Frankly, I've found that even when I am right, it usually isn't about the other person. Usually, if another person's opinion bothers me, it is about me. Typically, it means there is some hurt that needs the Lord's touch. Perhaps that is the line when opinion crosses into "judgment".

Don't misunderstand. I know there are times when judgment is a clearly stated rejection of a person or group of persons and/or their behaviors, but most of the time, it is simply folks who don't like other folks' opinions and take them as a personal offense. Most folks would agree that judging is ungodly, but is taking offense at another's opinion less so? Aren't both of the enemy? Both bring divsion. Both harden people's hearts toward other people. Both are in direct opposition to what Christ taught.

I dislike Abeka or Saxon. My dislike is intense. So, are you folks who use those judging me because I don't, or do you just have a different opinion? I tend to think you just have a different opinion. I think we could have coffee and let our children play and get along fine without either of us feeling rejected or judged. Maybe I'm too idealistic, but I think we could.

That makes me wonder why opinions, which are usually just harmless statements of thought, are twisted and called judging, and I'm wondering why it is so prevalent among Christians.

I've wondered this several times before, and this time, I decided to share my wonderings. You are obviously entitled to your opinion about them.

An Early Good Morning Wave

Well, folks, we are seeing very positive change at this point. In other words, some things are coming together, and it sure feels good because frankly, we are getting tired.

Yesterday, I painted the hallway, so it is done except for the floor and base molding.

In the living room and entry way:
--the ceiling texture was fixed
--the crown molding went up
--I caulked the crown molding. A new experience, but I'm very pleased with the result.
--the ceiling, molding, and walls were painted.
--the doors (all four) were painted.

The kitchen:
We lost the wall except for two post-sets holding the roof up.

Today
--I will pick up the wood for the built in shelves for the living room. I figure we'll get those built and painted on Saturday.
--The sunroom will get sheetrocked and taped and bedded.

Our contractor plans to be done by a week from Saturday because he has a trip scheduled and wants us done before he leaves. We want us done before he leaves. :-)

As for us, we have more texturing, painting, crown molding, caulking, and shelves to build in the sunroom and kitchen before we can put in the floor and replace the base trim. We figure that will taken another week after he is done simple because we'll have to move the furniture around. Prayerfully, we'll be done with it all in 2 1/2 weeks or less. However, besides that, I have pictures to do, Anna's birthday, pictures to process and deliver, and life in general. We have a full few weeks, but we see change, and that is encouraging. We like the results.

Before I try to get more sleep, I want to respond to some questions and other blog references.

Jan, yes, I do plan on posting pictures. However, I want to do the whole story, and I have not had time.

Wendy, I did see that I was tagged on your board. I will play. Hopefully, it'll be next week. I have to have Fiddler pictures done on Tuesday, and I am shooting senior pictures on Wednesday. As soon as those are processed, I will be able to look at my computer with the idea of fun rather than work.

Wendy, I will forward you the Beautiful Women posts if you want. I do have your email, don't I?

Also, Jan was very kind and gave me two awards while I've been out of the loop. I'll share about those when I am able to give them respectable time and mental processes.

If anyone else has tagged me or commented to me on your blogs, please let me know. I have been glancing through blogs when I can, but mostly, I'm so tired that when I get still, I doze off. Right now I am awake because I ache horribly. I don't know who invented ibuprofen, but may God bless him/her and that person's family forever.

Okay, I'm goinig to try to go back to bed now.

I look forward to posting soon and showing y'all the major remodel we are being blessed with. God is so kind and good, and He has allowed us to do this. To give you a glimpse of the none visual impact, Rob and Anna were both taking the highest level antihistamine they could due to allergies. After we pulled up the carpet and 40-year old linoleum, which stunk horribly, and the leaky fireplace had been removed, within days both were off allergy medicine. My friends, this hasn't been easy, but sometimes the road to healing is messy, hard, discouraging, tiring--and altogether worth it.

May you embrace and offer thanks for the remodeling God does in your life.

Beauty Redefined

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=7612584

I found this little clip, and I thought I would pass it on and open it up for discussion for all of you beautiful ladies.