the Keeper of my Soul Continues to Keep My Mind on Him

Seven7 left a comment on The Keeper of My Soul from June 2006, and it was perfect timing. The Lord has been discussing this with me, and He so graciously reminded me of lessons learned through Seven7's reminding me of that post. Here is her comment and my response. Again, I share it because I think some folks will be blessed by God's faithfulness.


Seven7 said...
This was truly inspiring! Sometimes we have to be reminded who is in control of our lives and because Jesus is in control we have peace in knowing that we are well kept! God Bless, Seven7

Jerri Phillips said...
Seven7,

It is so true, and I find that the more I think I really understand that, the more He shows me a new place to apply it.

Candidly, there are some tense family relations the Lord is leading me through, and my first instinct is to run and hide. I don't know what to say or do so I try to avoid the situation, and I get horribly stressed. Last week as I lay this before Him, He responded with such assurance, "I prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies, and when someone confronts you, I give you words to answer. You are worried about failing and not looking like me. Quit looking at you so much and see who I say I am. Then I will be present in the situation, not you."

I'm not relishing the next meeting, but I have peace, and I know when the meeting comes, it is for my good and His glory rather than because the enemy slipped through the Heavenly lines to torture me.

Bless you!!!

Comments

I am finally feeling well enough to respond to comments without wandering down an emotional or mental rabbit trail that leaves folks hanging and wondering just what kind of medication I am on. If you have left me a comment in the last few weeks, please visit the post where you left it as I have replied there.

I am going to mention one reply to Linda's comment here because I think it is something a lot of people I know need to hear.

Linda said...
Jerri, your heart is so sensitive to the things of Lord and in pleasing him. More of us should have that desire to be a little more introspective and analytical about the states of our hearts. I just want to reaffirm what you already know; it's not in the doing or not doing that we are defined or valued (even mental obedience vs. outward)--In him we live and move and have our being. As you work through all of your struggles, I'm praying that the joy of the Lord will be your strength and that he will fill you with that inexplicable joy today. Be encouraged, dear friend.

Jerri Phillips said...
Linda,Thank you so much. I appreciate the prayer for joy. Joy has not been a defining element in my life, but I believe the Lord is changing that. In fact, I've been studying joy, and the fact is, joy comes from the Father's presence, from being immersed in Truth. If we are living the Truth He speaks over us, not only should we find joy in ourselves but He does as well. Isn't that exciting?
Thank you for the encouragement, dear friend. You are such a blessing.

May each of you reading this be the receivers of God's inexplicable joy for who you Truly are, and may it strengthen your resolve not to let the enemy steal that Truth from you.

Just What I Expected

Folks who know me for very long hear me talk about my children, and inevitably, I will say, “I have the most wonderful children in the world.” If you are a parent, you have the right to disagree, but I’m telling you: my children are amazing. We’ve pretty much come to expect them to be, and they don’t let us down.

Take yesterday for instance.

My seven-year old and I have been battling a respiratory virus for over a week now. Yesterday he felt well enough to make a trip to the store to do some shopping for his big sister. He had two things on his “Must Have for Anna” list. One was easy to find. The other…not so much.

Our mission was to find a specific Littlest Pet Shop bunny with a Chinese hat. We had seen several the week prior, but now they were all gone.

After hitting a few stores, Robert was waning. We had one more place to try. After that, I was pulling the plug. When we drove into the parking lot, Santa greeted us. He was waving broadly, and his, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” rang across the parking lot.

When we stopped, Robert got out of the van and stared Santa’s direction. I looked at my son. “Want to go talk to him?” Robert nodded. Off we went, watching for cars, holding hands, partners in a quest.

When Robert reached Santa, Santa was joyful and attentive. He asked what Robert wanted. I knew exactly what Robert would ask for. “Well,” he started, “I want a Littlest Pet Shop. I want a bunny.” He promptly described the bunny exactly. “It wears a hat. The hat is a Chinese hat.” He then described the hat exactly, too. Santa listened with rapt attention.

When Robert was done describing this toy in great detail, Santa asked, “Do you want anything else?”

Robert broke his eye contact with Santa and shrugged. “I don’t know. That is really all I can think of right now.” Santa suggested Robert drop him a letter. Robert nodded and said he would try to do that later that day. Santa shook his hand, and Robert thanked Santa.

I took Robert’s hand, and we headed toward the store. I had Robert’s wish list in my purse. He could have mentioned any of the things on it, but I knew none of them would come up. I knew Robert would tell Santa about one rabbit with a Chinese hat. He did exactly what I expected our wonderful son to do, and as usual, he was amazing.

copyright Jerri Phillips 2007

And, yes, I know...

I did not pick five people. Actually, I didn't finish the entry. However, I am rather sick and have been for a few days. My energy and mental clarity sort of comes and goes. Presently, it is 2:42 am, and I am awake again because I ache horribly and am still working on getting my coughing under control.

The rest of the post will be worked in as my health allows and improves.

And thank you in advance for your prayers because I know some of you wonderful folks will be praying for me. You always do, and I so much appreciate it. :-)

Discipline--An Award and a Reward

A few weeks ago I received an award from Jan. The award is the Mathetes Award. I had no knowledge of background for this, so I looked it up. It is neat to read about, and I suggest you visit the site. In summary:

"Mathetes is the Greek word for disciple, and the role of the disciple (per the Great Commission) it to make more disciples. I'd like to take the opportunity to award five other bloggers with this award and badge for acting in the role of a disciple of Christ. These five all share the message in their own creative ways, and I admire them all for what they do. "

This is what Jan said about me: "Jerri – You are bold and free, willing for God to use you in any way he sees fit – whether it’s rescuing animals or writing about deeper issues. "

In the last month, I have struggled with the implication of this blessing even before I knew she had written these words. Despite the struggle, I do receive her words as a blessing. What greater blessing can we have than to be willing to be used by God in any way He sees fit? And at the same time, what greater struggle is there than to give up self and crucify it on a our cross daily?

And yet, I have even begun to question the struggle. I do not believe my struggle is in knowing or believing in God's worthiness to be served unconditionally. Although sometimes, we have words about the His timing and what I perceive is silence on His part. My greatest struggle is not in knowing and believing in His identity. It is in knowing and believing in mine.

It is easy to get caught up in the lie that we are not whatever we should be, and therefore, we are not what God declares we are. The problem is we--I see myself in a mirror of that shows flesh, and the enemy of my soul is all too willing to magnify the flaws therein. However, my God sees me in likeness of His Son whose blood covers all that stuff the enemy wants to blow up to be everything. In the likeness of Jesus and through faith in Him, all that "everything" becomes nothing. When I am nothing, He can show all He is.

Isn't God's logic amazingly weird?

So the last month has found me struggling in my identity as disciple, not just in the ways I let traffic get to me or the not so loving thoughts I have toward my husband at times. My struggle has been to see myself as God sees me so that I can be all He has called me to be. He has called me to be a godly wife and a godly mother. He has called me to impact my world through love first and words when my first calling has been done first. My first calling in my home has not been what I dreamed it would be, and finally, the Lord got me to acknowledge it was my fault. Jesus kept His priorities, and mine had been confused. I have spent the last month sorting through priorities, repenting for what I've done wrong (lots of repenting), and accepting that the God who gave me this job will give me the ability to do this job. I am without excuse. If my realms of authority are out of order, it's because I'm out of order. God is not a God of disorder but of peace. If there isn't peace, then God isn't getting to be in charge.

For the last month I've been learning to be a disciple in a different way. Not by performing well or fulfilling roles but through relationship. It seems like a simple truth and yet, how deeply ingrained is the idea that I must perform and fulfill a role and be a specific "thing" to different people.

I plan to write more about this and share what I've been learning and learn daily. Right now though, I shall leave you with one simple thought: To be a disciple is not to memorize rules. To be a disciple is to cultivate a relationship. Being a disciple does not happen by accident. It is a choice. It is who we choose to be. It is the person we are when we quit listening to the enemy tell us all the things we are not. It is not who we will become. It is who we are. It is our choosing to believe that that frees us to the joy of being a disciple.

Honored

Today, I received a wonderful honor. Linda gave me an award for Blogger Integrity. You can find out more about this award from Mama Pajama. (BTW, I love that someone took the initiative to create this award for folks that blessed her/him. How much could we add to the world if we all did somethign so simple? Hear that? The brain wheels are beginning to turn...)

Once again, I digress.

When I read Linda's post, she commented that she did not feel deserving. (She got it for creativity. I understand why.) I'm not sure I feel deserving either. Actually, I know I don't, and I'm honestly humbled that saving a cat got me an award (and nomination for sainthood--or at least a suggested could-be-saint blessing). It has made me think.

I like to think anyone would have tried to save that cat...and caterpillar...and dog, and honestly, I think most people would have. However, in a society where our newspapers blurt out the horrific stories, where most homepages start with the nightmarish occurrances of the world, and the news use happy stories to take up unused seconds while filling our brain with heart-wrenching and fear-invoking images and stories, someone who does something kind or even right is the anomally.

Too often we immerse ourselves-or are immersed by the sheer reality of our life and times-that we find ourselves struggling with persisting clouds of gloom and doom. Our spirits shrivel and our hearts ache. We are created in the image of a good God who is defined as "love" and gives life. If we hope to have life and goodness in our lives, we must find Him in the midst of the death and gloom that surrounds us. I think that is what this award is about. At least it is to me.

This award focuses on the following:
-Creativity
-Spirit of Giving
-For Keeping It Real
-For Social Conscience
-For Staying True to Their Beliefs

• In the beginning God created...
• For God so loved the world that He gave...
• I am the Way, the Truth (as real as it gets), and the Life...
• By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. "This is a remote place," they said, "and it's already very late. Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat." But he answered, "You give them something to eat."
• They overcame him (the enemy) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

We use human words, but this award simply breaks down individual actions or mindsets that allow us to see a person and say, "I see Jesus in you." Is there anything greater a person can say to us as Believers? Yes, I am honored to receive this award, and I joyfully bestow it on others.

Creativity--Tonya is amazing. That translates into her photography. She sees things through eyes that are not "typical". Many would say her vision is divinely given. I would agree.

Spirits of Giving--Jan inspires me. She gives away books. She gives away scarves. She gives away blankets. She gives away encouragement.

For Keeping It Real--Jennifer is as real as it gets, and I am honored to be her friend.

For Staying True to Her Beliefs--Once Jenny knows that she knows, she is rock solid. She researches, seeks wisdom, prays, and digs until she hits the bottom of the Truth. Once there, she doesn't move.

For Social Consciousness--I imagine the founder of this award was thinking someone who sees social ills and inequalities and works to correct them. However, I think sometimes things are up for interpretation, and since the heart of the award is to give it to someone who impacts me in a certain way, I choose Bob Smiley for this one. Bob is a Christian comedien that has a heart for young people. How does that make him socially conscious? He is conscious of the social pressures facing young people, and he is doing everything in his power to reach these kids with the message of Christ, not just as Savior but as Lord. The only thing that will set folks free the social pressures of life, it is the Word of God, and Bob shares it boldly.

To check out the blogs (without links) listed above, you can check my links out to the right. I see Jesus in each and every one of them, and I think you will, too.

BUT, My Children Think I Am a Hero

I have spent a great deal of the week dealing with people issues. The women’s group I have been facilitating has disbanded, and while I know in my heart, it was the right thing, it hurts. There have been some misunderstandings with some other folk, and while all but one are resolved, the interim work of sorting through and finding unity is stressful.

The one unresolved issue is my fault. My willful actions caused it. I admit it, and while the circumstances are stressful, and I don’t know what the final outcome will be, I would do the very same thing again. Sometimes in life you just have to choose who to disappoint and make angry, and I stand by my decision.

Let me explain a bit about my odd week, and perhaps it’ll make more sense. Yesterday the children and I were headed to the library when my son found a caterpillar clinging to the window for dear life. We save caterpillars. Okay, we do not try to act in ways we know are harmful to caterpillars. Being on the outside of a window on a van moving 60 mph is harmful for most caterpillars, so we stopped on the side of the road, and I took the caterpillar off the window and sat it on the green grass of someone’s yard. I then got back in the van and was ready to leave when my daughter yelled, “MOMMY!!! THERE’S A PUPPY!!!” There was traffic coming from both directions. A puppy was not going to last on the road, so I asked where the puppy was and opened my door hoping to get the puppy before traffic did. Before I could exit the van, the “puppy”, which was a full-grown Jack Russell Terrier, jumped into my lap. Thankfully, he was a lovable JR, and he had a tag. Not a problem. We simply return him to his home, and all is fine in the world again.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. Because it wasn’t an identification tag, there was no address information. Undaunted, we called animal control to have them run the number on the tag, so we could return the very friendly dog to its home. That is when I realized it was a rabies tag. Not a problem. The officer at animal control called the veterinarian’s office to obtain the address and call me back. We sat where we were and waited for the return call. The phone rang. Good news. The veterinarian had the information. Bad news. It was out of date. The officer and I ran through options. Ultimately, there was only one reasonable option—we needed to take the dog to animal control and let them run names through city address and phone books to hopefully find his home. Thankful to have kept the dog from being hit by a car and yet sad to let him go, we left our new-found friend kissing the officer at animals control.

We had done our good deed, and we felt good about it.

More than that, my children were really excited to have a mom that was willing to make the extra effort for some furry friends. And that wasn’t anything compared to today.

My son asked if we could work on his spelling outside since the weather is beautiful and he focuses better swinging on the swing. I picked up his book and headed out behind him. However, we ran into a problem. Our neighbor’s dogs were barking so incessantly and loudly that we could not focus.

Upon investigation, we found the source of the barking was a cat in a tree in the back of their yard. Upon closer investigation, we found the cat was really barely more than a kitten and had no way to escape the dogs. The dogs were jumping up toward the cat trying to grab it, and the cat was not holding on well. It was a matter of time before the dogs reached the cat, and the Husky-Shepherd mix, Boxer, and other large dog didn’t want to be friends. Without intervention, the cat was not going to survive.

I tried to call the dogs to me in an effort to give the cat time to escape. That didn’t work. I emailed our neighbor to ask how I could get the dogs’ attention and waited by yelling for the dogs and continuing to try to divert their attention. I leaned over the chain-link fence and put out food. Again, no interest. I then tried to bribe them with treats. They already had a treat in mind.

Thirty minutes had passed. The cat was further down the tree, barely above “lunge range”, and there was still no email. I tried calling our neighbor’s cell phone. No answer. In a desperate act, I called animal control and explained the situation. The officer told me they could not enter a private residence. I told him I wasn’t asking for the dogs to be removed. I just needed help getting the cat out of the tree and putting it where it was safe. Could he possibly help me with that? An officer was dispatched, but it would “take some time”. Fine.

I knew all I needed to do was get the dogs in the garage and close the door, but how could I do that? Suddenly, I knew. I went to the front of my neighbor’s house and banged on the garage door. Two of the dogs ran inside. The Husky-Shepherd stayed at the tree. I then went to the wooden gate to the backyard and pounded on it while calling all the dogs’ names. Two came to me immediately. When the Husky-Shepherd saw me petting the other two dogs through a missing picket, she came, too. While I pet the dogs and talked to them, my children kept vigil on the cat.

Then I heard what I had been waiting for—praying for. “Mom!! Mom, I have the cat!! The cat is in our yard, and I have it!!”

I patted the dogs and told them they were good dogs. Then I went back to our backyard and tried to call animal control. I had no need for them now. The cat was safe.

While waiting on hold with animal control, I again emailed our neighbor, who had not responded in the past forty-five minutes or so, to say we had the cat, and I was trying to cancel my call to animal control.

Unfortunately, the officer arrived before I was able to get through and cancel the call, and when he left, there were several slips of colored paper on my neighbor’s door. None of them directly related to my call, mind you. However, there are licensing laws and other regulations, and the City doesn’t like being ignored in those areas.

Although the officer offered to take the cat, which had no tag at all, with him, I told him we would handle it. Our concern was not that it was in the yard. Our concern was that we didn’t want it killed by the dogs. After the officer left, the children and I took the cat around the block to try to find its home, and we did so successfully.

When I returned home, I had an email waiting for me. Our neighbor is furious. The details are irrelevant. The summary is the relationship with our neighbor took a serious blow, and I don’t know how willing she is to allow it to be repaired. We will talk tomorrow and see. Normally, we would have dealt with it today, but they are having a family celebration, and we aren’t going to interrupt that.

I’ll be honest. I don’t want my neighbor mad. I like her. I like her family, and I even like her dogs. She thinks I overreacted. She thinks it is about her dogs barking. She thinks the cat was trespassing and whatever happens to the cat happens. I see where one could argue that it was her private property and her private business. I could argue that the dogs barked for over and hour and a half virtually non-stop making it impossible to enjoy my backyard. It’s more than that, though.

For me, it was less about the animals involved and far more about my children. All I kept thinking was, “I will not let those dogs kill that cat in front of my children, and I will not make my children go in the house and try to explain to them why I am ignoring a situation in which an animal is killed because of my inaction, especially when all we have to do is distract the dogs for five minutes so the cat can leave.”

It took less than five minutes. It took less than three minutes for the cat to leave once it had an open road. My children rejoiced and shouted for joy longer than that.

After we were home and beginning to be still, I processed the seething email I had received. As I considered the consequences of what I had done, my daughter came up to me and hugged me. “Thanks, Mom,” she said blissfully. Surprised, I asked for what. She looked at me with twinkling eyes and said, “For being the kind of mom who is willing to stop by the road to save a caterpillar and for being the kind of mom who tries so hard to make sure a stray dog is safe and for being the kind of mom who does whatever she has to so a cat isn’t killed just because dogs won’t come when their names are called. You are magnificent.”

My son walked in about that time, and he joined in the accolades, “Yeah, Mom, you are the ultimate animal rescue hero.”

My daughter nodded. “Yeah, that is what you are—a hero.”

Yes, my neighbor is mad. You might even agree with her. That’s okay. I won’t try to convince you otherwise. We could argue it both ways. There is one thing that cannot be argued, though. When my children see their friends next, they’ll brag on their mom, the Animal Rescue Hero.

Sometimes life requires choosing who to impress and who to offend. Today, I think I chose well. Granted, I upset some folks, BUT, my children think I am a hero.

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2007