Rejoicing in Nothing, Everything, and the Only Thing

Last Monday I wrote a happy and content blog about the nothingness of my day. After two wild weeks of viruses with the children and myself along with the hospitalization of my stepdad and his surgery, it was nice to have nothing. The nothingness of Tuesday was nice, too. On Wednesday, though, nothing became everything.

We had received the results of my blood tests early in the week. All the panels showed normal results, so we knew my chest pains three weeks prior had not been a heart attack. Frankly, I expected my doctor to tell me I had some kind of anxiety attack and should learn to relax. That didn't happen.

On Wednesday I was dropping Anna off at play practice when my cell phone rang. Assuming it was a photography customer, I answered. It was the nurse from my doctor's office. She had tracked me down. She needed to talk to me about the results of my stress test and sonogram. Since I expected a nice letter telling me I was fine, I was shocked. From there, I went to absolutely stunned.

"The wall of your heart is significantly thicker than it should be. You need to get a blood pressure machine and check your blood pressure daily. If you have more than two readings higher than 120/80, you need to come in immediately. If you have chest pains at all, you need to go straight to the emergency room."

"But last week I was told 124/76 was good."

"That is a normal person. For you, that can be fatal. Anything over 120/80 could cause you to have a stroke or heart attack. If it is that high, we have to give you medicine to get it down, or you can die."

I have no clue what else she said.

Rob met me and picked up Robert so they could go ride bikes. I spent my drive home in conversation with God.

I had a simple question: What do we do now? I don't know anything about this. What do I do?

I thought about my friend Debra's sister who is a nurse. I needed to have Debra call her. "She'll say it isn't that big of a deal, and I'm really fine."

For reasons I can only explain as stupidity, I googled "heart wall thickening" first. The first five articles all said the same thing: "You know those athletes that fall down dead on the court/field. this is what kills them." They really didn't understand the cause, and they didn't really have a way to fix it. They had some possibilities, but ultimately, it was what it was--deadly.

Nifty. I'm a walking time bomb.

When I called Debra, she was calm. At first, she simply asked for the facts the doctor gave me. I told her what the nurse had said. Then she said, "Jerri, you know this isn't going to kill you. God has given you too many promises and prophetic words. You can't do that dead."

I was silent. Tears streamed down my face. "Jerri, I've known you two years, and you've walked through hard stuff. I've never known you to cry."

"I'm not saying Satan wins. I'm saying this is scary."

"Yes, this is a scary lie," she agreed, "but it is still a lie. God is truth, and He isn't going to let this take you out."

I asked her to call her sister. She told me she'd call me right back.

When she called back, she said, "Without seeing everything, she can't say for sure, but from what I could tell her, she thinks they see the beginning of a problem of a potential problem and they are treating it aggressively. She doesn't think you'll fall down dead right now." Exactly what had gone through my head in the car.

We talked a bit longer, and I needed to hunker down with God. I needed to hear His heart. I needed to know His Word. God's Word trumps everything, and I needed to know that I know what He had to say about this.

I had questions, and mercifully, He answered:

How do I walk through this? Keep walking.

Do I need to be prayed over? You can be prayed over as many times as you want. You won't be anymore healed than you are right now. A paper does not define you; I do.

What do we do to be in agreement with Him? I said you would take the Promised Land with joy. Rejoice.

When Rob and I were finally able to talk about the situation, he was shocked but calm. We agreed it would be best to make an appointment with the doctor and get more information. In the meantime, we decided nothing had really changed except we had been given a piece of paper with scary words. Ultimately, all of our lives are in God's hands, and we believe I will be here until God is done with me. Our hearts were settled.

That night was war.

I woke up several times during the night to the demonic whisperings, "You're going to die, leaving two small children without a mom, and all hell is going to break lose in their lives because you aren't there to protect them."

I had one response: "Shut up, you lying demon, and go to hell." Then I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Thursday morning I called the doctor's office. They could get me in Friday morning. Until then, the war continued, except by then, I was heavily armed.

Instead of simply lying down and wallowing, I went to my arsenal. I pulled out my journals and read God's promises. I went back to the word the Lord had given me for this year:
Time to take the Land.
Scripture: Joshua 1.

I read that passage over and over. The Lord said to go back to my journals, so I pulled out the journal for January and read my notes. Then something struck me. When the Lord gave me that word, He said, "You know, there has to be a Jericho." I knew that, and I prayed for the faith to stand valliantly.

Then another thing came to mind. "What do you always say about Jericho?"

I stopped, and a smirk came across my lips. "Every time I think of Jericho, I say the same thing: Jericho had thick walls." At that moment, I knew all would be fine. This was Jericho, and I would see it fall.

I shared with a few people close to me, and they prayed with and for me. My God had provided my army, friends who have warred with me before and new friends who have walked through the season of breakthrough my family is in and withstood the assaults. They believed Jericho would fall. They didn't know how or when. They didn't need the whole battle plan. They already knew the outcome, and they were already rejoicing in the victory.

On Thursday night Debra could see the difference, and she knew I was mentally and emotionally fine. She knew I was standing. Was I going to keep my appointment? Absolutely. Wisdom says to get more information and find out how to battle this on a physical front. I don't want to take God's promises for granted. Part of being in agreement is acting wisely. I needed information. Besides, as I had told Rob, I expected the doctor to say, "Oh, it isn't that bad at all. It's something we need to watch, but you're really okay." Rob expected it, and so did Debra.

When I dropped my children off at the skating rink with Debra, I was excited. I had expectation of seeing Jericho crash, and I was ready to move forward.

As the doctor and I talked, I told me the information I had been given on Wednesday. He didn't seem pleased. First of all, I was supposed to have seen him Thursday. The nurse never told me to make an appointment with him. Second, when I told him what I found on the internet, he shook his head, "Oh, no, that is a different thickening altogether."

He explained that one in contrast to mine. He summed it up this way: "If we don't deal with this, in twenty years, your quality of life will be nothing. So we are going to figure out if your blood pressure is high now or if this is past damage. If it is high now we'll figure out what triggers it. When we get it under control, your heart will go back to normal."

He then laid out our plan of action, and I left his office with the smell of dust and rubble in my nose.

Jericho was down.

I am not going to pretend that everyone's battle is so easy. I fought for my dad for 15 years, and five years ago at the young age of 62, he passed on. I stood with a friend recently as we fought for her father-in-law who battled cancer. Cancer won. I have battled for babies who were born too soon and didn't have the strength to live.

I don't know why those battles ended in what I feel was a loss. I only know what I've learned.

• I have learned to stand on God's Word no matter what a doctor's report says.

• I have learned when God speaks something forth, all of hell will fight against it, but my God is All Mighty.

• I have learned being attacked does not mean I've lost the battle. It means I'm fighting it.

• I have learned to write the promises God has given me as a record to remind myself of His Sword, and when the enemy comes at me, my Daddy's sword will take him down.

• I have learned the incomparable power of having warriors who stand with me.

• I have learned being surrounded by all the mighty warriors in the world means nothing if I won't get on my feet.

• I also learned whether I am rejoicing over nothing or in everything God's Word and His promises are the only things that matter.

Praying you can rejoice in nothing, everything, and most importantly, the Only Thing.

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2008

The Reality of War

Lately I’ve been hearing comments that have been bothering me. They aren’t new. The philosophy and theology behind them aren’t new, but my reaction to them is. Instead of having sympathy or commiserating, I’m getting annoyed. Actually, I think I'm beyond annoyed because I realize the mindset behind the statement gives too much power where it doesn't belong. It creates weakness where strength should abound. I see the lie that is just enough Truth to keep people from being free, and it is time for the sword to cut loose the shackles.

What is this statement, you wonder? It’s a statement so innocuous that it has become cliché and evokes no response of action but rather feeds the victim mentality that allows us to live impotent lives because we are at the mercy of the powers that be, and sadly, we put more faith in the power that be against us than that which is for us. And before you misinterpret, my annoyance isn’t aimed toward an individual speaker. My annoyance is toward the generalized ignorance of the church as a whole that perpetuates the thinking that keeps us from preparing appropriately for the inevitable and thus enabling us to continue to give excuse for not living at higher levels of spiritual power and maturity.

The statement has different versions , but it all comes down to one simple statement: The enemy is attacking me in some way, and it’s making things hard.

And people seem somehow surprised or like they are the only ones or that they should in some way be exempt. I’m not sure what their thoughts are exactly. I only know the results. And understand, I’m not judging. I have no room to judge. I’ve said the same things, felt the same way. “Poor me, I’m being attacked. Feel sorry for me. I’m being attacked. I’m so godly or doing so much for the Kingdom the enemy sees me as a threat, and I’m being attacked. I’m making progress, and the enemy is attacking me.” I’m telling you. I’ve been there.

We wear the scars of the onslaught like a badge. We use it to get sympathy or esteem or both. It’s a reason for special treatment one way or the other. It’s an explanation for why we act the way we do. You know what it really is? It’s an excuse not to live above where we are.

Now, I’m not saying we are never attacked, and I’m certainly not suggesting we live in denial. In fact, I’m saying we need to do just the opposite. We need to acknowledge that we are in a war. These are not potshots that the enemy is taking to ruin our day. These are bombs he has devised to destroy our lives. We are either stupid or ignorant if we think otherwise.

Jesus told us about the enemy of our soul who wants to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Peter said the enemy goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). Paul said “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12).

Why are we surprised when the enemy attacks us? We shouldn’t be.

Last week I was talking to someone, and she mentioned how “the enemy attacked you yesterday because of the women’s group you are leading.” I looked at her and said simply, “Honey, I’m a Christian. The enemy is going to attack me whether I’m leading a women’s group or not, and to believe otherwise is beyond naïve. It is a setup for a downfall.”

Last night I received an email from someone that said, “Pray for us. We are in a battle up here.”

My first thought was, “Duh. We’re in one here, too. Welcome to being a Christian.”

And you know what? It’s not like being a Christian is going to stop the enemy from attacking. His being, his essence, is that of destruction.

Look at all the children who are set upon by the enemy. Look at the drug addicts who don’t even know who Jesus is. Look at the prostitutes who have never been told about God. You cannot describe the assault on their lives as anything less than demonic, and it wasn’t because they were busy building the Kingdom. The enemy’s attacks are not in relation to one’s spiritual status. The enemy is who he is, and he is a hate-driven destroyer whose plan today is to do whatever he can to steal, kill, and destroy any life he can.

I’m not sure why the church seems so nonchalant with the idea that we are at war. The whole topic is treated as one we should skirt around or bow beneath in fear. It’s like taxes. It’s part of life, so you just learn to live with it and cope with the oppression.

Where exactly is that in scripture? I haven’t found it. Jesus dealt with the same attacks we do. People didn’t believe in Him. Religious people thought He was crazy. His “group” was full of folks who might get it right or not on any given day. When He needed them most, they went to sleep on Him. His family thought He was crazy. He was an illegitimate child raised in a society where folks could die for that sort of thing.

Where did Jesus ever use the attacks of the enemy or circumstances of life as an excuse for having a bad day, for not living up to potential, or for hiding from His calling? I’ve yet to find a place where He did. You know why? Because He knew three very important things:

1) He knew who He was.
2) He knew who His Father was.
3) And He knew who the enemy was.

Jesus knew the enemy’s character is destruction. He also knew His Father was bigger. He knew His plan was bigger, and He knew on any given day the enemy would be who he is but that did not preclude Jesus being who He is. Jesus expected Satan to act like Satan, but He also expected His Father to act like God Almighty, too. The latter is what empowered Jesus to be who He is. Therein is the key.

If we believe we are going to have a day when Satan does not attack us, we have believed a delusional lie that is setting us up for a fall. Satan can’t not attack us. It’s against his nature. He will attack us. That is not the question. The question is how we will respond.

The joy of our day and the power we walk in cannot be dependent on not being attacked by the enemy. Our joy and our power is dependent on one thing only: our identity in Christ.

When Jesus was attacked by Satan in the wilderness, Jesus didn’t falter because He knew the Truth. When He was heckled for saying the little girl was only sleeping, He didn’t waiver because He knew He was the Healer. When His family doubted, He didn’t because He knew His Father. When the storm rocked the boat, He slept because He knew His purpose wasn’t done and He knew the One who controlled the waves. Over and over the enemy threw sources of discouragement, rejection, and doubt at Jesus, and Jesus never faltered because He knew who He was.

We talk about the armor of God. It’s a nice phrase, but do we understand it? Have we dug in and learned the Truth so we can buckle on the belt? Do we understand that salvation is more than a “someday in Heaven” thing so we can wear the helmet without it falling in front of our eyes keeping us from seeing and being ready to attack what is in front of us? Do we walk in peace, or are we tripping over the enemy’s false definition of it? Do we know the basis of our righteousness and what it affords us so we can protect our hearts, or are we still trying to earn it and having hearts diseased with guilt and condemnation? Do we know the Word so we can use our swords? Do we have faith to pick up the shield little less use it?

Folks, we are at war. There is an enemy with a relentless desire to steal or destroy everything he can. To think we can escape or avoid him is sheer ignorance. To think we can ignore him and hopefully come out intact is apathetic. To let him go unchecked is irresponsible.

Jesus never baited the enemy, and I’m not suggesting we do. However, Jesus never ran from the enemy, and He never circumvented His call in an effort to avoid the enemy either. If we are going to be the light this world needs and be the agents that the Lord can use in order to allow His Kingdom to invade this world, we can no longer be surprised by the enemy’s character or be victim to fear of his attacks. Jesus faced the same attacks daily that we do, and yet, He walked victoriously. Jesus said it simply, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world (John 16:33).”

It is time for the army of God to stand up, take responsibility for being warriors, and walk in the victory of Christ. We have a world take. We have marriages to defend and families to protect.

Victory will not be determined by your not feeling the enemy’s attack today. It’ll be determined by how you respond. Are you prepared to be victorious?

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2007

Let's Say Thanks

Several months ago I mentioned a website I frequent. It is a site that allows you to send beautiful cards to soldiers around the world. In all seriousness, in less than 10 seconds, you could send a lovely card to a very appreciative soldier.

First you pick a design, and there are several beautiful ones. Then you type in your name (tab) your state (tab) and either choose a message that is prepared for you or take the time to write your own. Then hit the "Submit" button.

I have a quick link on my computer, and any time I surf, I start at that site and send a card. Sometimes I send one card a day, and days like today when I am doing a lot of research for homeschool, I send several. I don't think there is a limit on how many you send.

The site is http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html

If you wonder if it makes a difference, check out some of the comments and see the pictures.

To put this in perspective for you, in the time you spend surfing channels during a commercial break, you could easily send four cards, maybe more. In the time it took you to read this post, you could have sent 4-10 cards. I appreciate your reading my blog. They appreciate your cards, too, so jump over there and give them a bit of your time, okay?

Thank you.

This is a comment from the website:

A letter from an Army Specialist:

As I was leaving an un-eventful Valentine's Day today, one of the mail clerks yelled "Adams!! You have a package!!" A package, I thought to myself. I'm not expecting anything. What could this be? I took the box into my office and closed the door. As I opened the box, a flood of joy came over me as I looked over the cards from you and the young ones, one of my co-workers walked in to see tears rolling down my eyes. I had never received a gift with this much love, packed into one little place from someone that I've never known.

As I thought about what the cards talked about with soldiers giving their lives and privileges up to ensure the freedom of Americans, it was nice to know that someone out there does not take it for granted. I don't know who you are, but you are truly a gift from God. The gift that gives me the drive to serve my country proudly. As you pray that the Lord keeps the soldiers here safe and brings us home, I pray to the Lord that people like you do not die off from this world. Your contributions are nowhere near inadequate. Please never forget what this means to a soldier. Thank you for your love and thoughts.