For some of us, our own expectations make friendship elusive. For me, I expected people to want a friend with perfected—or at least pretty good—conversational skills. I expected them to want someone with high interest hobbies. I expected folks to want someone diverse, with fascinating stories to tell. I don’t claim to be any of those things, so I assumed I would not be received as a good friend candidate.
It is the tendency of the world to look at the lack of people, to see what they are missing, how they aren’t perfect. It is our tendency, even as children, to compare ourselves to others and see how we come up short. The enemy isolates us by holding up magnified versions of all we are not and exaggerating what we do not have.
But God says we are here because of what we are and what we have is enough.
And according to Al, it is what I do have that opened the door for our friendship.
I have a desire to see people as God sees them. I want to see the truth of who a person is, encourage them in the promises the Lord speaks into and over them, and bless the masterpiece they are created to be. Al wanted someone willing to see the real him—the one with God given gifts, talents, and promise. I believe he is like all of us. When we begin to doubt and question, we want someone who says, “Nope, you haven’t missed it. It may be buried under the struggle you are in, but I still see the wonder of who you are.”
I can do that.
Another thing I have in my arsenal for making friends…a smile.
Let me fill you in on a little secret. Smiles always have an impact. They are one of the best investments you can make into people. Children, adolescents, adults. Age does not matter. Smiles speak volumes. A smile says, “I am so glad to see you. You are valuable and important to me, and you bring my heart joy. You are welcome and wanted here.”
Really, isn’t that what we all want to hear?
It is amazing the power of offering a place to belong, a place to be valued for the truth of who one is.
Funny how being a friend isn’t always about what we have to give. Sometimes it is about being willing to receive—receiving a person for who and where he is, receiving them in all the glory, goofiness, and gravelly knees, receiving them for the masterpiece God has made him to be. And sometimes, we get to receive the most amazing gift-—friendship.
Copyright 2009 Jerri Phillips
Showing posts with label Al. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Al. Show all posts
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
In a Class by Himself--In Al's Words
Hey Sister,
I read it and personally, I like it :) Actually, I even like this email that you sent as well, it made me smile. I think about the Lord and how He's used you to bless me with encouraging words and a true friendship. Sometimes, I go back and read the words that the Lord has shared with me through friends and complete strangers. When I read the word that you gave me then in this email, I felt God's peace just flow in my heart and it made me smile. Why? Because just last week I was thinking, "I wonder if the Lord still sees me as that gladiator, going over that hill? Am I still God's man for that task, that thing, whatever it is?" And this is one of the words that has helped to sustain me over time. You're right, it's funny how we all meet the Lord; how He meets us where we are in our lives.
Here's what it made me think about:
I think that people need to know that relationships are horizontal and vertical. One of the reasons our friendship was such a blessing was because it also helped me to "hear" the Lord again. Not just because you were sharing His heart, but because I was also missing being in relationship with other Christians...I had become somewhat disconnected from Him. I was praying etc., doing all of the normal things....repenting, fasting, reading the Word...I was wondering why I couldn't hear Him like I had in the past.
One day, I had a conversation with Alan and we discussed hearing the Lord. He shared his own experiences with me about not hearing and the causes of not hearing. One thing that struck me was that he said that in his past experiences, he saw a link between not hearing the Lord (A Vertical Relationship) and not being in relationship with others(Horizontal Relationships) in the body.
He asked me to think about the times when I heard the Lord the most and it was when I was in heavy relationship with other Christians. I needed to work on developing more horizontal relationships at Gateway. So, Alan invited me to that class for two purposes: (1) To help me to develop my gift, and (2) To develop more horizontal relationships at Gateway. So, when I walked into the room and saw that you were there, I felt a certain amount of relief. I think that one of the reasons that people can have such a hard time with Christians and going to church, is that Christians...can be very people like :). I mean, I walked into that room and I only saw three friendly faces in my mind: Alan, a lady named Doris, and You. Then Debra came and said, " Is this the guy that you were praying with that day?" And she smiled. So, that made four friendly faces.
I needed that because sometimes church can feel like a theater with all these actors. We all come, smile fake smiles, applaud, and then go home. I was looking for authenticity...Jesus, right there to meet me where I was at the time. I was searching for understanding, because I had no idea what in the world the Lord wanted me to do next and why in the world He was so quiet about it all. You guys were authentic and it made me feel comfortable. I'm sure if you took a survey and asked people if they thought Gateway was a "friendly" place, they would say 'Yes!" I didn't always feel that way, so I struggled sometimes. you know, that big sanctuary might as well feel like the Grand Canyon sometimes. I use to look across it and scan it for friendly faces. Deep down, we all want to connect. The Lord wanted me to get into relationship with people again, I had become too isolated. That happens to people. So, when I started to connect horizontally again, the vertical did open back up for me. I really think the Lord was intentional in this respect. I had been so busy with work and school and all the other normal life stuff, that I had neglected connecting with people. He wasn't going to allow me to get that guidance by myself, like I wanted to get it.
So, the message that I got out of my experience was that I shouldn't be Solo Christian. Stay connected. I want people to get that out of your message, stay connected. And you know, its really funny....sometimes, it seems like as adults, we have to "learn" friendship all over again. Or, maybe it's just that our definition of friendship becomes more defined and narrow. I'm going to have to read your entries about it all.
Big Hugs!
Me
I read it and personally, I like it :) Actually, I even like this email that you sent as well, it made me smile. I think about the Lord and how He's used you to bless me with encouraging words and a true friendship. Sometimes, I go back and read the words that the Lord has shared with me through friends and complete strangers. When I read the word that you gave me then in this email, I felt God's peace just flow in my heart and it made me smile. Why? Because just last week I was thinking, "I wonder if the Lord still sees me as that gladiator, going over that hill? Am I still God's man for that task, that thing, whatever it is?" And this is one of the words that has helped to sustain me over time. You're right, it's funny how we all meet the Lord; how He meets us where we are in our lives.
Here's what it made me think about:
I think that people need to know that relationships are horizontal and vertical. One of the reasons our friendship was such a blessing was because it also helped me to "hear" the Lord again. Not just because you were sharing His heart, but because I was also missing being in relationship with other Christians...I had become somewhat disconnected from Him. I was praying etc., doing all of the normal things....repenting, fasting, reading the Word...I was wondering why I couldn't hear Him like I had in the past.
One day, I had a conversation with Alan and we discussed hearing the Lord. He shared his own experiences with me about not hearing and the causes of not hearing. One thing that struck me was that he said that in his past experiences, he saw a link between not hearing the Lord (A Vertical Relationship) and not being in relationship with others(Horizontal Relationships) in the body.
He asked me to think about the times when I heard the Lord the most and it was when I was in heavy relationship with other Christians. I needed to work on developing more horizontal relationships at Gateway. So, Alan invited me to that class for two purposes: (1) To help me to develop my gift, and (2) To develop more horizontal relationships at Gateway. So, when I walked into the room and saw that you were there, I felt a certain amount of relief. I think that one of the reasons that people can have such a hard time with Christians and going to church, is that Christians...can be very people like :). I mean, I walked into that room and I only saw three friendly faces in my mind: Alan, a lady named Doris, and You. Then Debra came and said, " Is this the guy that you were praying with that day?" And she smiled. So, that made four friendly faces.
I needed that because sometimes church can feel like a theater with all these actors. We all come, smile fake smiles, applaud, and then go home. I was looking for authenticity...Jesus, right there to meet me where I was at the time. I was searching for understanding, because I had no idea what in the world the Lord wanted me to do next and why in the world He was so quiet about it all. You guys were authentic and it made me feel comfortable. I'm sure if you took a survey and asked people if they thought Gateway was a "friendly" place, they would say 'Yes!" I didn't always feel that way, so I struggled sometimes. you know, that big sanctuary might as well feel like the Grand Canyon sometimes. I use to look across it and scan it for friendly faces. Deep down, we all want to connect. The Lord wanted me to get into relationship with people again, I had become too isolated. That happens to people. So, when I started to connect horizontally again, the vertical did open back up for me. I really think the Lord was intentional in this respect. I had been so busy with work and school and all the other normal life stuff, that I had neglected connecting with people. He wasn't going to allow me to get that guidance by myself, like I wanted to get it.
So, the message that I got out of my experience was that I shouldn't be Solo Christian. Stay connected. I want people to get that out of your message, stay connected. And you know, its really funny....sometimes, it seems like as adults, we have to "learn" friendship all over again. Or, maybe it's just that our definition of friendship becomes more defined and narrow. I'm going to have to read your entries about it all.
Big Hugs!
Me
Thursday, June 4, 2009
In a Class by Himself
If I told you how I met Al, you wouldn’t believe me. He and I talk about it, and we just blink and shake our heads. So I’m just going to skip to our second meeting. I was on the altar team, and I prayed for him. Then the next service started, so we moved to another room where we prayed and talked…through the whole service and next altar ministry time.
But that isn’t what kick started our friendship.
God’s fascination with irony and His somewhat twisted sense of humor is how Al and I came to be friends. You’ll see what I mean.
Believe it or not, I’m an introvert. If you walk into a room full of people, I’ll be the one by the wall. Seriously. I will either be at the podium or by a wall. Those are the two places where I know the social rules and what is expected of me, so that is where I hang out.
When I go to a class or any kind of meeting, I take a book, journal, or something to keep my head down and avoid conversation because I struggle with conversation skills. I don’t really understand that role, so I avoid it. And that is exactly what I was doing when Jesus put Al into my class at church. In fact, Jesus not only put him in my class. He sat him close to me.
Now, I don’t know the whole proper conversation thing, but I do know it is polite to ask how one is doing, so I did. And Jesus laughed really hard…because my hiding place turned into the launch pad for one of my favorite friendships.
We didn’t talk during class, but afterward, we stood in the parking lot and chatted. Usually, we wound down about midnight, but once we talked till nearly two. We sort of wandered all over the map, but mostly, we talked about the Lord and what He was teaching us. The Lord used Al to stretch me, and it was good.
It was also guarded.
It’s easy to be comfortable with someone when I’m in my element—praying for them, offering advice, sharing what I’ve learned, but when life gets hard, I don’t have a lot to say.
Last fall, I quit saying much. I went a few months without emailing or calling, which wasn’t the norm. Al kept in touch. He emailed and sent some text messages. He tried to be connected. I just didn’t know what to say.
Then one day the Lord got pretty stern about my not appreciating His gift. He had given me a friend with discernment, a sincere heart, a heart that seeks Him, a love for my whole family, and the ability to trust vision despite circumstance. Why would I ever consider going into battle without a soldier of his caliber and heart?
I took a deep breath and started to type.
I wrote and cried. I cried because I hurt. I also cried because I was embarrassed. I didn’t like showing him this weak side of me that needed friends so desperately, the side that simply could not weather this storm alone. And, I was embarrassed that I had not told him sooner.
The email took a few hours to write. I’m not sure if it was even coherent. I had no idea when he would write back, but I knew what he would say. I knew he would say, “Jerri, I love you all, and I’m praying for you.” And you know what? He did.
He could have taken offense at the silence, at what I said, at my not wanting to say anything, but he didn’t. Instead, he loves me and my family. He prays for us. He lets us pray for him, and he isn’t afraid of honesty.
He’s proof God has no respect for hiding places.
And he’s in a class by himself.
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
But that isn’t what kick started our friendship.
God’s fascination with irony and His somewhat twisted sense of humor is how Al and I came to be friends. You’ll see what I mean.
Believe it or not, I’m an introvert. If you walk into a room full of people, I’ll be the one by the wall. Seriously. I will either be at the podium or by a wall. Those are the two places where I know the social rules and what is expected of me, so that is where I hang out.
When I go to a class or any kind of meeting, I take a book, journal, or something to keep my head down and avoid conversation because I struggle with conversation skills. I don’t really understand that role, so I avoid it. And that is exactly what I was doing when Jesus put Al into my class at church. In fact, Jesus not only put him in my class. He sat him close to me.
Now, I don’t know the whole proper conversation thing, but I do know it is polite to ask how one is doing, so I did. And Jesus laughed really hard…because my hiding place turned into the launch pad for one of my favorite friendships.
We didn’t talk during class, but afterward, we stood in the parking lot and chatted. Usually, we wound down about midnight, but once we talked till nearly two. We sort of wandered all over the map, but mostly, we talked about the Lord and what He was teaching us. The Lord used Al to stretch me, and it was good.
It was also guarded.
It’s easy to be comfortable with someone when I’m in my element—praying for them, offering advice, sharing what I’ve learned, but when life gets hard, I don’t have a lot to say.
Last fall, I quit saying much. I went a few months without emailing or calling, which wasn’t the norm. Al kept in touch. He emailed and sent some text messages. He tried to be connected. I just didn’t know what to say.
Then one day the Lord got pretty stern about my not appreciating His gift. He had given me a friend with discernment, a sincere heart, a heart that seeks Him, a love for my whole family, and the ability to trust vision despite circumstance. Why would I ever consider going into battle without a soldier of his caliber and heart?
I took a deep breath and started to type.
I wrote and cried. I cried because I hurt. I also cried because I was embarrassed. I didn’t like showing him this weak side of me that needed friends so desperately, the side that simply could not weather this storm alone. And, I was embarrassed that I had not told him sooner.
The email took a few hours to write. I’m not sure if it was even coherent. I had no idea when he would write back, but I knew what he would say. I knew he would say, “Jerri, I love you all, and I’m praying for you.” And you know what? He did.
He could have taken offense at the silence, at what I said, at my not wanting to say anything, but he didn’t. Instead, he loves me and my family. He prays for us. He lets us pray for him, and he isn’t afraid of honesty.
He’s proof God has no respect for hiding places.
And he’s in a class by himself.
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
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