In the last few weeks I have considered closing this blog. Actually, I considered closing ALL my blogs, starting an anonymous one, and telling no one I know. In fact, I considered it as early as this morning.
However, something the Lord has been really drilling into me the last week or so, well, longer than that but intensely in my face about the last few weeks is courage.
Courage does not run.
Courage may want to vomit. Courage may be shaking from head to toe. Courage may be getting in the saddle when one's knees are so weak with fear one can barely lift to the saddle. BUT, courage does not run.
I do not run.
In April, I changed blogs and didn't give the new address because I didn't want Rob's family or some of his friends to find my new blog. I have tried to be very respectful of them because their loss is huge. However, I've also been trying to avoid the "he said, she said" stuff that can come when honesty is more than what one wants to hear. It wasn't worth the fight, so, I did what I had done for 19 years. I just kept quiet.
But here is the thing with that, God did not send me through hell to be quiet about it. He let me walk the road He did so I could tell about His faithfulness, so I could point out His goodness, so others could have hope, and just how in the world is anyone going to find hope for their own darkness if I am so afraid of rocking boats that I don't talk about how dark it really was...or how great He really is?
So let the boat rocking begin. I'm not afraid of being tossed out of the boat anymore. I know Who has called me, and I know Who holds my hand, and I know if I get tossed out of the boat, I'm fine. I'll just walk on water.
And, yes, I am courageous enough to believe that is exactly what He expects me to do.