I'm having a pity party. It's not a big party. There are no streamers or balloons or dirge music like I've been known to have in the past. This is a small, quiet, hidden in my recliner under my blanket because Rob and the children shared their virus pity party.
Tomorrow night I was going to host a ladies group. We were going to focus on the Lover's view of His Beloved. I was looking forward to time in the Lord's presence with some amazing women I know. And, yes, I do know I can have great time in His presence all by myself, but there is something wondrous about being part of corporate worship with women whose hearts are filled with adoration for the King. You know He can't resist that. He starts smelling the sweet aroma of praise, and He has to show up for the party.
Then He starts to whisper words of love and tenderness. He shares how much He adores His Beloved, and He speaks of plans and promises. It is as intoxicating as wine--the presence of the King.
Hearts are healed. Value is reestablished. Identities are restored. Lives move forth with plan and purpose.
More than that, though, love is poured out, and each one becomes a channel through which the Lord pours His divine love into a broken world, a world desperate for being valuable.
And the Presence...The intoxicating, overwhelming wonder of His Presence as He saturates everything...and the understanding of who we are and what we can do because we understand Him better...
It's not just a Bible study or a teaching. It's a rendezvous between the Lover and His Beloved.
I was so looking forward to it, but due to my health and the questionable weather, it's been cancelled, and I'm a bit whiny about it.
Oh, I know. It could be worse. Thankfully, I'm just tired and worn down, not flu-ish. It's not like we are expecting to be snowed in for a week, and the Lord does meet with me wherever I am, and He'll meet with the ladies who had planned on coming here. Still. This isn't the way I wanted it. I had a picture in mind of how it was supposed to be, and now it isn't.
You know what makes this even harder to swallow? Planning this evening was so far outside my comfort zone. I'm comfortable with worship. I'm comfortable with prayer. I'm comfortable with prophetic ministry. I enjoy women getting together and blessing each other. However, having women at my home where I have to make the coffee and create order that isn't really our daily life is hard. Planning snacks and music and details is so far outside my comfort zone, but I was willing to do it because I believed it was the Lord's will. I believed He wanted to love on these ladies and bless them and cuddle them.
It was a stretch, but I took the step of faith...and seemingly ran into a brick wall.
Somehow that seems wrong.
Despite my disappointment, though, I'm asking the Lord for His thoughts. I had prayed about this, and I was sure I had heard Him say this was His plan. Other, women were excited about being here, too. He even shared His heart to bless these women and show them how special they are. So why is it not working out?
Or is it?
I have known for a long time that the Lord's desire for me is to speak value and love to His ladies. He passionately wants to restore them to their rightful places and true value. This year He has spoken to me profusely about this topic, and I've been praying for ideas and vision to accomplish this.
In the midst of emails and conversations concerning the women's night, hearts have been shared at new levels. I am learning of women's hearts with fresh eyes--with His eyes. Ideas for ministry I had never considered are being laid in my lap. I am listening, taking notes, planning.
Could it be what I saw as a night of ministry was simply a door to a life ministry? Could it be that my small-mind had to take a small step so He could show me the huge adventure of the big picture? And could it be that it took not getting what they had hoped for these precious ladies to share what their hearts need? Could it be that is what God had in mind all along?
If this is His way of revealing His plan to meet a need greater than I realized, that is pretty amazing.
And to think, I could have missed it by being so busy whining about what I wasn't getting that I didn't see what He was giving me. Now, that would have been pitiful.
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2010